


This Song, It Spells Disaster

by Lucy_Luna



Series: Family Branches [13]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Growing Up, Heartache, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Character Death, Original Character-centric, POV Original Character, Sequel, Sister-Sister Relationship, The Golden Trio Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2020-08-13 11:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20173678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucy_Luna/pseuds/Lucy_Luna
Summary: Essie Snape’s fourth year at Hogwarts proves it will be a stressful one before it even begins when she learns the reason why her parents have been fighting with each other for the last few weeks of the summer.





	1. Answers

Like she did most mornings during the summer, Essie stumbled into her family’s kitchen in her hand-me-down jimjams from Eileen and with her hair in an oily, matted mess against her head. Yawning into her hand she squinted through her fingers to see that her mum was already at the table, dressed for the day, and drinking a cup of tea. Her sister Eileen was too she realized the moment her hand was back at her side. She looked freshly bathed, but otherwise no more awake than her. Falling into her usual chair with little grace and no small amount of noise, she said, “Morning Edie. Eileen.”

“Darlin’,” her mum returned before taking a sip of her drink.

She looked down at her plate and beamed, delighted. “Kippers and eggs this morning?” she said “Wicked! We hardly ever have this.”

Her mum’s mouth quirked with a faint smile as her sister glared at her across the table, her own plate barely touched and apparently beginning her second cup of tea since she was reaching for the sugar in the middle of the table. “It’s because Sev can’t stand the smell,” she said, tone sharp. Essie went stiff in her seat and saw the pleasant expression on her mum’s face morph to one of disgruntlement.

“Oh, right,” she murmured before giving a nervous laugh. She glanced at her mum, wondering if it was even safe to ask—

“Where is Sev, Edie?” her sister demand as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Wha’s it matter?” Edie snapped, hazel eyes taking on the golden blaze they did when she was very cross or very happy. “_He _ doesn’t care if he’s with us!” argued.

Essie shrank in her seat, appetite gone. So her parents were still rowing. What a surprise. Well, it _was _ because they rarely ever fought for more than a day or two, but also not, because this had been going on for nearly two weeks now.

Seeing that Edie was not going to give a better answer and even worse, not going to be the one to break eye contact first and end their spat, Eileen dropped her gaze to her still full plate and muttered, sounding completely petulant,“…Okay.”

Her mum relaxed slightly and nodded, appeased with her sister’s reply. For a few uneasy minutes of silence, Essie pushed her breakfast around on her plate. After a while, she glanced up to see if another row seemed on the horizon. Thankfully, Edie was staring off into space, sipping absently at her tea and Eileen was busy eating the egg from her kippers and egg. Seeing now was probably the best time to bring it up if she was going to actually ask for permission, she said, “Classes start in no time at all, I was wondering if we could go to Diagon Alley today for our stuff?” She glanced at Eileen, who was also looking at Edie, an eyebrow quirked and requesting permission in her own silent way.

Her mum nodded at both of them, first Essie, then Eileen. “Yes, yeh’ll have ter talk to yehr father for the money, though.”

Essie smiled, relieved. So she wasn’t going to have to sneak out today. Brilliant. Everything was always so much easier when that was the case. “Sure, it’s no trouble,” she agreed.

-O-

Just under an hour later, Eileen and Essie were walking through Hogwarts silent, deserted corridors looking for their father. As they made their way toward his new classroom and office Eileen said to Essie, “Sev and Edie were rowing again last night.”

“Really?” she replied, looking at her sister a little miffed. She hadn’t heard them.

Her sister glared at her and for the first time, she really noticed the dark circles under Eileen’s eyes. She wondered if she was glad they’d soon be sleeping in the dorms again. They might not be_ quiet_, but they had to be better than their family’s quarters right now. “Do you always sleep through everything?” Eileen snarled at her.

Heart twisting with guilt, Essie dropped her eyes to the black pointy ends of her favorite boots. “Sorry,” she mumbled. It’s not as if she meant to sleep through it, she just did. If she could wake up from their rowing… Well, she probably would like it even less than sleeping through it.

Eileen sighed before gently bumping into her. Essie glanced up, her sister wore a small, sad frown. She looked so much like Edie the summer after Lottie’s death. It made her chest constrict and tears prick her eyes. She hoped she didn’t start crying. Essie didn’t know how she would explain why she was crying to Eileen. Nor did she want to. “No, I am,” her sister said, grabbing one of her hands and squeezing it with her small, strong fingers (just like hers, like Edie’s). “It’s good you and Calliope do,” continued Eileen, “It’s… unpleasant. She keeps asking him if he cares about us and if there’s a way to get out of _ something _– I don’t know what – and he keeps telling her it’s done and this is for all of our benefits so stop telling him he doesn’t care.”

Essie frowned. “What do you think Sev’s done that’s gutted Edie so much?” she asked her sister as she puzzled over what she overheard. What could their dad have done that he thinks will help them and their mum thinks will ruin them?

Her sister thinned her lips and gave a jerky shrug of her shoulders. “I think a floo call to Darla is in order,” she said, “I’ve tried asking Edie a few times when we’re alone but she keeps saying she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.”

Essie bit her lip. It was probably time she explained that she’d made her plans long before talking to Edie this morning. A little embarrassed, she looked away from Eileen and told her, “Um, I sort of invited her yesterday to come to Diagon Alley with us?”

Eileen turned more fully toward her, a furrow between her thin brows. “But you just asked Edie if we could go.”

Essie offered a bashful smile to her sister and replied, “I assumed she was going to say yes.”

Amusement lit up her dark blue gaze. “I see,” she said, her lips curving with a smile. “We should take Calliope with us,” she suggested, humor fading from her gaze. That fretful dimple returning to between her brows she admitted, “I don’t like the thought of leaving her alone with Edie like this. She’s been…” she trailed off and pursed her lips, clearly searching for an appropriate word. Finally, she finished, “_Unsettled _. She reminds me a bit of like she was after Lottie.”

She understood. Really, Essie did. Eileen was right too about Calliope. Their baby sister hadn’t really been her usual cheerful self for the last couple of weeks and had spent a lot of her time being morose in her room with her toys. But… “That’s not going to encourage Darla to talk to us,” she said.

Eileen huffed at her, irritated.“Between us, I think we can convince her, Calliope or no.”

Essie had her doubts. “If you say so.”

Her sister lifted her head high and looked down her nose at Essie, declaring, “I _ do_.”

“Right,” she replied, frowning at her. She was going to make some sort of quip when from one of the corridors up ahead she saw their dad walk out into their own. “Hey, there’s Sev,” she said pointing at him as he walked by, a trail of enchanted, floating books following him “Sev!” she called.

He didn’t stop walking as he said, “What is it you girls want? I am moving my office to its new location near the defense classroom I have chosen.”

Hurrying to catch up with him, Essie took the lead for her and Eileen and said to Sev, “Sorry, it’s just, well…” she trailed off biting her lip. She wondered if he would even give them money. Sometimes Sev was very reluctant to let them go out on their own, even if it was to a place like Diagon Alley to do a little bit of shopping. It was the times, Edie said, that did it, but really she thought it was because Darla spoiled it all for them lying about where she was and going and doing Merlin knows what that summer when she was nine. Essie supposed she hadn’t helped the issue, sneaking off herself several times over the last couple years when she shouldn’t have.

“Spit it out!” he snapped as they reached his new office and he moved inside and levitated the books onto several shelves built into the wall by the room’s fireplace. 

Essie shrank in on herself and Eileen shot her a look of sympathy before saying, “We need money.”

“For what?” he asked, looking at them with sharp eyes (maybe even using legilimency on them to see if they were telling the truth).

“School supplies and some new robes and shoes,” Eileen answered as if she were speaking to a professor and not their dad. 

He dipped his chin in understanding. “Of course,” he said. Turning to where his desk was currently placed in the room, he reached for a piece of parchment from a drawer and a self-inking quill scribbled something on the sheet before waving his wand over it and enchanting it. Handing it off to Eileen, he told her, “Take this note to the Goblins, they will see to giving you what you need.”

“Thank you, Sev,” Eileen said tone warmer than before and even lifting herself on her toes to place a kiss on his cheek.

Sev’s lips quirked and his eyes softened. “Have a good time,” he said. “Say hello to Mr. Mulpepper if he’s at the apothecary today for me!”

Her sister smiled as Essie skirted out the open doorway. “We will, thank you,” she replied before following Essie out.

Once they were what she felt was a safe distance from their dad’s new office, she grumbled to her sister, “Merlin was he in a mood!”

Eileen only laughed.

-O-

“Darla, please, Edie and Sev have been absolutely unbearable to be around,” Eileen begged as she threw her napkin atop her empty plate from lunch.

Their aunt shook her head at them, causing her hair, a similarly stringy texture to Essie’s own, to fall into her face and curtain her features the way her own and Sev’s hair did. She made a short, frustrated sound before pushing it out of her face and saying, “If they haven’t said anything, then I have nothing to say either.”

“Darla!” Essie whined. She _ knew _this was going to happen!

Frowning, their aunt gave them a glare she could have only learned from their dad. “No,” she said.

Eileen, patience gone after over fifteen minutes of wheedling threw up her hands and said, “You’re incorrigible! I can’t believe you won’t say anything.” She jabbed a finger across the table in Darla’s face and hissed, “We know how to keep secrets, I think we bloody well showed you that when we were _ little girls_!”

Essie nodded in agreement. “She’s right! What’s so different about this time?”

Darla pursed her lips before saying, “Eileen, Essie—”

“Stop it!” Calliope cut in, voice raised. “Stop fighting! I hate it, I don’t want anyone else fighting with anybody! Sev and Edie do it plenty for all of us!” she cried, face flushed and eyes noticeably glassy.

Darla broke eye contact with them and turned to their little sister. “Oh, Calliope,” she said taking the nine-year-old’s face in her slim hands. “Darling, it’s all right…” she soothed.

“It’s not!” whimpered Calliope, tears spilling over her lashes.

“Shh…” Darla hushed, drawing her close against her side and kissing the top of her head. “Here, we aren’t going to row anymore,” she declared glaring at them. “Look, see? No more arguing!” she said, tone light and cheerful after a minute of silence.

Wiping away her tears, Calliope said, “I want pudding.”

Eileen sighed. “Why don’t we go see what they have in the glass case by the counter?” she suggested getting up from her seat and offering a hand to Calliope. Their little sister wasted no time scrambling over Darla’s lap and out of the booth to join Eileen. She and Darla watched them walk toward the front of the café where the glass cases were.

“She’s going to get fat if you two are always feeding her sweets when she’s upset,” Darla commented, smirking at Essie to let her know she was only having a laugh.

Even so, she felt a little defensive. “We don’t always give her sweets!” she grumbled, crossing her arms. “She was bloody demanding some before we even came here to have lunch with you.”

Darla snickered and asked, “Think she’ll be Slytherin like Sev and me?”

She shrugged. Anything was possible. As Essie herself proved when she was sorted into Gryffindor. “Maybe.”

Her aunt eyed her and then looked over at the counter where Calliope was taking her biscuit from one of the waitresses as Eileen paid for it. “Edie is cross with Sev because he’s made an unbreakable vow,” Darla said, “one misstep and he’s dead.”

Her jaw dropped. Sev had taken an _ unbreakable vow_? “What?” she sputtered.

“Yeah, that was my reaction too,” Darla replied leaning her elbows on the table and resting her head in her hands. She gave a small, sad sigh. “Sev’s usually not such a dunderhead. I’m guessing he either didn’t have much of a choice or he already had some kind of plan in mind before he agreed,” she explained. “Either way, I understand why Edie is so upset. She’s got you girls to think about. If something goes wrong…” Her sister lifted her head up and shook it as if she was clearing away imaginings from a worst-case scenario. Darla’s black eyes stared into Essie’s own earthy brown as she told her, “I’ll do what I can for you all, you’re my family, but I’m training as a healer. I can barely afford my flat in Diagon Alley, I don’t know how much help I could give you all if Sev dies..”

Head still spinning from the news Essie sputtered. “How— When—”

Darla looked away and Essie watched a wide, forced grin spread across her face before she said, loudly, “Oooh! Look at that biscuit Calliope! Plan to share?”

Calliope offered the baked good up to Darla. Before she could bite into it, however, she jerked her hand back and glared at Darla. “Only one bite!” she warned.

Darla laughed and said, tone saccharine, “Of course, my little niece.”

Essie didn’t know how her aunt could flip between being so serious to light-hearted and could only watch her and Calliope in bewilderment. Eileen noticed. She always noticed. Instead of saying anything, however, she simply raised an eyebrow.

“Later,” she mouthed at her sister. Calliope didn’t need to know this news. She was so little still and shouldn’t have to know that their dad could drop dead at any moment because of a stupid vow he made. The anxiety from it would drive her barmy. 

Eileen nodded and turned back to Darla and Calliope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's time for a new story in this series. This one, as you probably got from this first chapter, will focus on Severus's middle daughter, Essie. I hope you enjoyed this first chapter and how some of the things Severus did sixth year are affecting his family.
> 
> Thanks for reading and please let me know your thoughts with a comment and/or kudo :)


	2. Three Conversations

It was hours later before Essie finally had the chance to talk to Eileen about what Darla told her. When she did tell her sister, they were in Eileen’s room and she was “helping” her unpack their day’s purchases after dinner. When she finished telling her what Darla had said to her, none of the anxiety Essie had been feeling all day was reflected on Eileen’s face. In fact, she looked perfectly calm as if she had just told her the grass was green and not that their father was living a hair's breadth from death. When she could find words to speak in the face of her sister’s peculiar expression, Essie said, “Don’t you have anything to say?”

“Not really,” Eileen replied picking at a loose thread of her robe, one of Darla’s old ones she left behind. A small frown found its way to her lips. “I am gutted, of course, but, well…”

“Well what?” Essie demanded, planting her hands on her hips and looming over her sister.

Eileen shrugged. “I just knew it was going to be something like this,” she admitted. “Edie hasn’t been so emotional since Lottie.”

Essie didn’t know what to say. Finally, she asked, despondent, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Her sister sighed impatiently. “Because,” she ground out between her teeth, “what good would have come from telling you _ ideas_? You’d have just gotten yourself all worked up over nothing.”

“But it’s _ not _nothing!” Essie argued, hands balling into fists at her sides.

Eileen rolled her eyes and turned away to busy herself with some loose parchment at the desk in her bedroom and Darla’s old one. “No, it’s not,” she agreed. “Yet there’s nothing to be done about it either.” Finished with her busy-work at her desk, Eileen moved onto to levitating her new robes and other things into their proper places around her room. “An unbreakable vow is just that, _ unbreakable._” Essie watched, silent, as her sister finished and noticed with keen eyes when sadness shaded over her form, wilting her shoulders and deepening the almost ever-present frown her sister wore these days. “I understand why Edie is upset. She’s _ besotted _ with Sev. Always has been. I know he knows it too…” Eileen shook her head and the gloominess around her sister seemed to disappear altogether as she went and primly sat at the end of her bed. She looked up at Essie, gaze sharp. “I’m sure Sev is sorry he took the vow and even sorrier for how it’s affecting Edie, but I also know he wouldn’t have done it if there were another way because, in spite of what Edie keeps trying to accuse Sev of, he _ does _care about all of us.”

Essie nodded. She knew their dad did too, no matter the stupid choices he sometimes made. Walking over to Darla’s old bed, she sat down on it and faced her sister. “I know,” she replied. “It’s just…” she trailed off and bit her lip. “How am I going to look at him?” she asked. “Knowing what I do? That he could die at any moment?”

Eileen scoffed. “You’re making this too complicated,” she said. “Sev _ could _ die, yes, but it’s highly unlikely. He’s brilliant, Essie! He’s survived so many more immediately deadly situations without hardly a scratch on him. He’s _ not _going to die.” Eileen jabbed a finger at her and told Essie, “Just put it out of your mind and act like you know nothing.”

She blinked, completely exasperated asked, “How?”

Her sister crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “You just keep it to yourself like we kept that Darla was seeing Harry to ourselves.” 

“Look how that turned out!” Essie decried, dismayed. As far as she could tell, secrets always came out. She had never been a very good secret-keeper either and just _ knew _she would let slip what she knew somehow, someway to their parents.

Eileen got to her feet and stomped over to Essie and grabbed her around the shoulders and gave her a teeth-rattling shake. “You will do this, Essie,” she hissed at her. “Things are plenty awful already, don’t you dare make it worse by letting Edie and Sev know we know something we’re not supposed to!”

Essie felt tears spring to her eyes. Staring up at her sister, she whispered, “How can you be so cold? This is our dad’s life in the balance!”

Her sister made a disgusted noise and let go of her. Turning her back on Essie, she said, “Get out! I don’t want to talk about this anymore if you’re going to be such a child.”

“Eileen—”

“Out!” her sister roared, turning around, wand raised and pointed directly at her chest.

Essie, for a brief moment, went still with shock. Then an icy fury overtook her and she just glared at her sister. “Fine,” she snapped. “See if I ever tell you anything again!” she hissed before stalking out of the room, her sister’s glare following her.

-o-O-o-

“—told me to pretend I don’t know anything! Can you believe that?” Essie demanded before picking up her butterbeer and taking a swig. She then looked over her shoulder, making sure it was still the new girl behind the Broomstick’s bar. She didn’t need Rosmerta seeing her here when she should be in class and floo-calling her mum.

“Are you?” Darla asked.

Attention pulled back to the conversation at hand, Essie blinked at her aunt. “What?” she said.

Darla’s lips were curved with amusement as she said, “Pretending to know nothing?”

Essie furrowed her brows in confusion and answered, “Well, yes.” She crossed her arms and cocked her head. “What other choice is there?”

Darla sighed and shook her head. “You could just tell Edie and Sev,” she suggested. Her amused smirk broadening into a grin, she added, “They would be cross with me, not you.”

“I…” she stammered, frozen a moment. Did Darla really mean that? How could she not _ care _if they were cross with her? Finally, she decided her aunt had to be teasing her. Essie glanced to the tabletop and mumbled, “They’re cross enough with each other.”

Darla’s elbows made a soft thunk as they came to rest on the table. Essie glanced up to see her aunt was resting her sharply pointed chin in the palms of her pale hands. Her expression was pensive. “Yeah, I imagine they are,” said Darla.

Essie looked back down and began to trace a water ring left by the condensation from her butterbeer. “It must be nice, being on your own.”

“It has its perks,” Darla agreed, voice raising pitch with her mirth.

Feeling it was now safe to look up, Essie did and began to pout the moment she met Darla’s gaze. “How can Eileen be so calm about everything? Sev could _ die_.”

“Eileen’s always been good at that,” her aunt said. “She really knows how to compartmentalize.”

Essie’s pout turned into a full-on frown. “What-alize?” she said.

“Compartmentalize,” Darla replied, gesturing, she explained, “It’s this psychological mechanism we’re learning about in my classes at St. Mungo’s, actually. They tell us there’s no way we’ll make it as Healers if we can’t learn to cut out our feelings from situations and deal with the problems at hand.”

“Huh,” she replied, trying to wrap her mind around the new word and concept.

Darla nodded and told her, “I’m pretty sure she learned it from Edie.”

This brought on a new wave of confusion for Essie. Why would Eileen have learned it from their mum? She sure didn’t seem to be practicing it either. “Edie? She doesn’t seem to be compartmentalizing what’s going on _ at all_.”

Her aunt sighed. “Well, it is Sev who’s betting on a coinflip with death,” she remarked, voice soft.

Essie squirmed in her spot and tried to figure out what to say that would get her an answer to where Eileen learned how to compartmentalize. “Eileen says she’s besotted for Sev,” she told Darla.

The words brought humor back to her aunt’s expression and her black eyes, the eyes she shared with Sev, began to glitter. “That’s a good way to describe it.”

“Why?” she demanded.

Darla tilted her head and thinned her lips, face taking on a look of consideration as she looked Essie up and down. It made her feel more awkwardly and ungainly than she already did. Uneasily, she hunched in her shoulders and jutted out her chin, giving her aunt a fierce look. “…How much exactly has Edie told you about who she was before she was my nanny and then Sev’s wife?”

Essie bit back an impatient sigh. They _ all _knew this story! Even Calliope and she wasn’t even ten-years-old yet. “She’s told me the same story she’s told us all! Sev hired her off the streets to look after you shortly after she ran away from her family,” said Essie.

Darla nodded. “That’s most of the story,” she agreed. Eyes holding no humor and only a quiet understanding, she asked Essie, “Do you know what she was doing on the streets before Sev gave her the job of being my nanny?”

She bit her lip. Essie did not in fact know. She’d always thought it hadn’t been that long her mum had been wandering Knockturn Alley before Sev hired her. A week at most. Now? Not so much. Realizing there would be not an explanation until she at least tried to answer, Essie mumbled, reluctant, “…Begging?”

“Maybe,” Darla acquiesced before saying, “mostly, she was working as a prostitute.”

Essie gaped at her aunt. “_ What_?” she sputtered.

Darla was frowning at her now, tone sharp and eyes deep enough to eat Essie whole if she said the wrong thing. “If you want to live, you have to be willing to do what it takes, and Edie was.”

“How long…?” she whispered, hands shaking where she’d pulled them beneath the table only moments before.

Her aunt put a finger to her chin.“Oh, let me think,” she said, “I think she was sixteen? when Severus hired her to be my nanny. I believe she had been on the streets not quite a year before that. I’m pretty sure she worked the night for a bit afterward too for extra money.” She looked at her now with eyes black and sucking like tar. Instead of wanting her person, though, her aunt’s black gaze wanted only Essie’s sympathy. She was more than happy to give it. This was her _ mum _ they were talking about. “You have to understand, Essie,” she said, “we may not be a rich family now, but at the time we were _ really _poor. Severus really only could afford to give her free room and board with a small stipend a couple of times a month. That wasn’t enough to give her all she needed.”

Essie licked her lips. “I… I get it,” she said, only to add a doubtful, “I think.” She hesitated to after such a revelation, but admitted all the same, “But what I don’t understand is how this works into the besotted thing.”

Darla sighed like she said something stupid. “He rescued her,” she told Essie. Her aunt pressed her lips into a line a moment and she said with some reluctance, “Or at least that’s always how Edie’s seen it. He turned her from an orphaned, forgettable two-knut whore into a witch, mother, and wife of a potions professor at _ Hogwarts_.” Darla’s eyes were sharp as an obsidian dagger when she pierced her with her gaze next. “We’ve always said she’d have been a Hufflepuff, loyal and hardworking to a fault, but she’s not without ambition. There’s a reason she and Sev have gotten along so well in spite of all their differences. He’s turned her from Cinderella to the queen of the kingdom and that’s made Sev quite faultless in her eyes.” Darla drooped in her seat and muttered, “Until now, anyway.”

Her thoughts were all over the place and she hardly knew what to say, let alone ask, but Essie did have one question that was really bothering her. Trying to sound not too upset about everything, she asked Darla, “Why have I never learned any of this before? Does Eileen know? Why do you?”

Darla rubbed a hand down the side of her face. “I imagine they didn’t tell you much because they didn’t want you to feel odder than you probably do. You’re already the potions professor’s… _ defense _ professor’s daughter, how does knowing you’re an ex-prostitute’s child make you feel?” she asked, but she didn’t did give Essie a chance to answer, which she was extremely grateful for because her immediate answer was _ not _nice. “A little more than a bit not good, I suspect. Can you imagine knowing all of this years ago? When you were hardly eleven?”

Essie’s stomach was churning now and she was starting to wish she hadn’t downed half of her butterbeer before they began this conversation. “I–I don’t know…” she stuttered, “I think I’m in shock…”

“Yeah, I did sort of spring all of this on you,” Darla replied, frowning with sympathy. “_I _know so much because I was old enough to remember quite a bit and Sev didn’t mind filling in the pieces for me where I was missing them.” A grim smile stretched across her aunt’s pale face and her eyes turned faraway. “Perks of being a sister and not a daughter, I suppose. He sees me more as an equal than an inferior and therefore doesn’t feel he needs to protect me quite so much as he does you and the rest of the girls.” Voice whisper-soft, she said, “Sometimes, I wish he felt differently.”

Essie looked down at her lap, where her fingers were twisting and pulling at her jumper unbidden. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“Don’t be,” he aunt reassured her. “It has its downsides, but I appreciate the transparency more than I resent the reason behind it.”

“…And Eileen?” she asked slowly, looking up once again at Darla.

Darla sighed. “She’s so clever.”

“I know,” Essie said, scrunching her face in confusion. “That’s why she’s a prefect this year. She’s gotten the top marks for her year two years in a row now.”

“She’s not just book smart, Essie, she’s _ perceptive _too,” Darla chided, rolling her eyes at her and looking entirely like herself again and less like the pale, sad figure she had been when talking about how Sev thought her different from the rest of them. “I 100% believe she figured out Edie had an even more imperfect past than you all have been told somehow and was told the entire truth.” She smirked a little, almost pridefully. “Years ago too, I reckon.”

“Years ago?” Essie echoed, dismayed.

Darla nodded. “At least a few.”

“How do you know?” she demanded, upset that it could have been so long ago Eileen figured everything out while she had been so _ stupid _ for so long.

“She’s…” Darla began only to exhale and run a hand through her hair in frustration. Finally, after far too many seconds for Essie’s taste, Darla seemed to get her thoughts together and said, “Well, Eileen was never the loud one of the twins, but she’s only grown more reserved. It didn’t start with Lottie’s death either.” Darla’s expression was dead-serious as she explained Eileen to Essie, “If what she told you to do with the news of Sev taking an Unbreakable Vow is anything to go by, I think she’s very experienced with knowing more than she should and tucking the secrets all away in their own little boxes in her mind. Unfortunately, she doesn’t feel safe talking with anyone about all her secrets, so she’s grown quiet.” Her aunt reached over the tabletop, palm up. Essie placed her hand in Darla’s open palm only to jump when she wrapped her fingers around her hand with a Devil Snare’s like grip. “You better watch out for the day she decides she won’t be silent any longer, Essie. I imagine the aftermath will not be pretty,” she warned.

Essie frowned. “She could talk to me,” she complained. “I can keep secrets too.”

Darla began to laugh, loud and just tinged with hysteria. “Oh, Essie, I love you, but you absolutely cannot keep a secret.”

“Then why did you tell me what Sev did?” Essie demanded, annoyed. If she wasn’t good at keeping her gob closed, why had Darla so willingly told her such sensitive news?

Darla’s expression turned to one of heartbreak as if she was sad that Essie hadn’t already figured out why she’d been told her dad could die. Her aunt looked down at their hands. Loosening her grip a little, she brushed her thumb up and down Essie’s wrist, resting it a moment over the spot where you could feel the pulse. “You deserved to know,” she said.

She wanted to say something back to Darla, but she had no words.

-o-O-o-

Two weeks after sneaking off to see Darla and complain about Eileen and four since the start of the school year, Essie found herself waking up from a night terror breathless and with blood thrumming through her ears. Sitting up, she cast a furtive look around her dorm room. None of the other girls looked like they had so much as stirred. As was typical. Essie swallowed around the lump in her throat and told herself she was glad. They deserved to sleep. 

Usually, after a nightmare, she would lay back down and wait for her heart rate to calm before closing her eyes and counting racing brooms until she was asleep again. However, the very thought of lying back down was making her heart race even harder. Tonight’s nightmare… It was far worse than normal and she couldn’t bear the thought of going to sleep again only for it to possibly come back.

Decision made, she threw back her covers and placed her feet into the slippers she always kept next to her bed. Getting up, she grabbed her robe off the footboard and pulled it on over her jimjams. Leaving her dorm, she headed for the common room. She would stay there until the morning. It would be empty, but so many wonderful memories had happened there she was sure their remnants would comfort her through the darkness and early morning dimness. Plodding into the common room not two minutes later, Essie came to an abrupt stop when she saw a shape in one of the armchairs. They’d pulled it close to the hearth, probably to take in the warmth of the dying embers, but those were long dead now. 

She bit her lip and looked back up the staircase to the girls’ dorms. Essie decided to persevere on. Chances were they’d fallen asleep there some time ago and wouldn’t even notice her if she laid herself on one of the sofas and quietly contemplated life until dawn’s rays.

She was proven wrong not moments after sitting down on the sofa across from the armchair. A pair of bright green eyes were gazing right at her; sharp and lucid. Essie, however, was not embarrassed, only relieved.

“Harry,” she murmured.

His lips lifted into a slow smile she could only spy by the white of his teeth. “Essie.”

She hesitated. “Been awake long?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

Essie bit her lip. Making a decision, she admitted, “I haven’t.”

“Oh?” he replied.

She nodded. “I just woke up from a bad dream.” Essie gave a forced chuckled. “Well, it more than just a bad dream… It was downright _ terrifying_.”

“I’ve been dreaming of a lot of horrifying stuff too,” Harry whispered. “I… I don’t know that they’re dreams, though.”

Essie perked up at this, relieved to have the distraction. “Oh?” she asked. “D’you think you’re having visions or something?” It was extremely unlikely that was the case because the number of actual seers that existed were pretty small. In fact, the United Kingdoms hadn’t had a real documentable seer since Professor Trewalney’s great-great-grandmother. But she had heard on occasion particularly sensitive souls could see things. Sometimes. Never full-blown visions or anything like that, but they could get a pretty accurate feeling for what the future might hold. 

Harry grimaced. “I know that’s probably not what’s happening, but…” he trailed off.

“You could talk to Sev,” Essie suggested. “He has a really good understanding of the workings of minds. Edie says he’s got a natural inclination for legilimency and over the years he’s become a master of occlumency to help protect himself from the wayward thoughts and images he can pick up with his legilimency talents if he’s not paying attention.”

“I don’t know,” Harry hedged. “Your dad… He’s never been exactly patient with me.”

Essie understood. Sev was not a very lenient professor at the best of times and she had seen first-hand the way he could be particularly hard on Harry if he was being anything other than an exemplary student. Edie said he was that way because he worried for Harry who was of special interest to many and not all of that interest was good. He only wanted to keep Harry safe, but Harry wasn’t always very aware of others intentions and so Severus felt he had to be more strict with him than others to make sure he stayed well in the face of all the dangers surrounding him.

She nodded. “Yeah, but he does care,” she assured Harry. “Sev just wants you to be safe and doesn’t get why you get yourself into so many troublesome situations that clearly had warning signs for bad things to come before you got into them.”

“If I listened to my brain every time I said I was about to do something dangerous, I would be running away from half of my classes and the things I encounter in them and around Hogwarts in general,” Harry countered, scowling.

Essie put up a pair of defensive hands. “I know!” she told him. “You didn’t just grow up _ in _ the Muggle world as Sev did, you grew up _ a _Muggle for all intents and purposes.” She offered Harry a sympathetic smile. “Lots of Muggle-borns are just like you. The only difference is there is nobody out to get them, so most of the dangers they encounter are not too bad.”

His shoulders slumped and he gave a dejected sigh. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Do you think Severus will really be able to help me?” he asked, voice small.

Essie stared at him. It was too dark to see much, but she could see even so there was a desperation to his gaze. She said, “Yes, Sev can help. If it will make you feel better, I can come with you for the first few times.” She smiled at him half-cheeky, half-earnest. “I’ll scold him if he gets too sharp with you.”

“Thanks,” Harry said, “I would appreciate if you came at least for the first time.”

“Of course! It’s no trouble. I don’t want you to be losing too much sleep over whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have to lose sleep over this,” said Harry. “You shouldn’t have to lose sleep because of your nightmares either. Is there anything I can do for you? Get one of your parents? Darla?”

Essie shook her head. “No, no,” she said before sighing. “There’s… Well, maybe talking about it could help.” She bit her lip. She was told frequently she was not much of a secret-keeper and she could easily see why. All she wanted to do was talk about what was going on with Sev and her family with somebody. Eileen didn’t want to talk about it and while Darla was sympathetic, she was busy and just didn’t have the time to listen to Essie after every nightmare like she used to when she was a little girl and they all lived at Hogwarts. She looked around the common room to ensure it was really just the two of them. Confidence bolstered by what she saw, she said, “Sev’s taken an unbreakable vow.”

“A what?” Harry murmured.

Essie almost laughed. Of course Harry wouldn’t know about them. They weren’t a very typical vow these days, mostly relegated to history and novels. She explained, “They are sort of like a pinky-promise. Except for when you break one, you don’t just upset the person you made the promise with, you die for breaking it.”

“Die?” Harry whispered.

She nodded. “Yes. It’s why I keep having nightmares. I keep dreaming up scenarios where I do or say something that makes it impossible for Sev to keep his vow and… He dies.” She winced. “Painfully.”

“I’m sorry, Essie.”

“It’s okay,” she replied.

Harry’s voice was firm as he told her, “It’s not.”

“No,” she agreed, miserable. “It’s really not.”

“Do you know what his vow was about?” he asked.

Essie shook her head. “Not at all,” she said. “Darla didn’t say. I don’t think she knows. _ Edie _might hardly know. I just know, whatever the promise was, it must be a very hard one to keep. Edie’s been absolutely beside herself since she found out.”

“I could keep an ear out,” Harry offered. “It’s not much, but maybe I might find out something.” His voice was softer as he added, “Maybe then we can do something to help Severus – or at least know how to not cause him more trouble.”

“Oh, you don’t have to…”

Harry said, “I want to.”

Essie sucked in a shaky breath. “Thanks, Harry, that means a lot to me.”

“What are mates for?” Harry replied, the white of his smiling teeth shining at her through the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you enjoy the chapter? Darla, Eileen, and Harry all got there moment with Eileen to share their perspectives.
> 
> Thanks for reading and please let me know your thoughts with a comment and/or kudo :)


	3. Changing Relationships

It was the Sunday evening after their conversation in the middle of the night that Essie and Harry went to find Sev. They’d been in the Great Hall eating supper with the rest of the students and her dad (as was becoming typical this year) had been eating at the staff table. When he left mid-way through, Essie had raised an eyebrow at Harry, asking if he was up for going to find Sev. She was confident he’d gone to his office to finish some grading for tomorrow. Harry had nodded and not two minutes later, they walked out of the Great Hall together. 

Ten minutes later, they were outside his new office across from his Defense classroom. When Essie finally looked at Harry beside her, she saw his expression was apprehensive. 

She sighed. “Everything will be okay,” she assured the older boy.

He nodded, but didn’t say anything. Essie decided that was probably going to be the best response she received from Harry and turned her attention to her father’s office door. She knocked on the wood before she grabbed the handle and pushed it open.

“Sev?” she called.

Her dad, behind his desk with a quill in one hand and an essay in the other, looked over to her. His tone was distracted as he said, “Yes, Essie?”

“Can we talk?” she asked, stepping into the room, Harry following on her heels.

He raised an eyebrow at them. “We,” he said, dubious.

She nodded, firm in her words. “Yes,” she replied, pointing first at herself, then him, and finally Harry. “You, me, and Harry.”

He put down his quill and the essay he was grading. “Yes, I suppose,” he answered after a long, put-upon exhale. “The first years do not need their essays back tomorrow.”

“It’s important, Professor,” Harry spoke up, stepping forward from behind Essie to beside her. She pressed close to him, reminding him she was on his side and offering her warmth in the face of her dad’s cool stare. This had to be scary for Harry, talking to someone about his unconfirmed visions. Especially when that someone was her dad. As much as Essie knew he cared for Harry, Sev _ did _go from warm to cold with him quite frequently. It was maddening at times.

“I should hope so,” Her father muttered. He then pulled out his wand and conjured two chairs pushed against the wall to the right of Essie to in front of his desk.“Come, sit,” said Sev, gesturing at the seats.

Essie didn’t hesitate and Harry quickly followed her over to the chairs. Sitting down, she offered her dad an earnest, happy smile. “Thank you, Sev,” said Essie.

He eyed them. “Hmph,” he muttered before putting down his quill and re-stacking his essays in a pile and putting them off to the side. “Now, what is it you wish to discuss?” he asked, hands one on top of the other and laid out on his desk.

Essie looked at Harry, trying to gauge how he wanted to proceed. Harry stared back at her, eyes pulled wide. She bit her lip. “Well…” she mumbled before falling silent in favor of scrunching her nose at Harry and glancing at her dad with great exaggeration in an attempt to urge him to be the one to do the talking.

“Children, speak now or leave,” Sev snapped after a few moments of this, tone sharp and clearly peeved.

They jolted. “It’s me, Severus,” said Harry in a rush hardly after her dad finished speaking.

“Oh?” he replied leaning back in his chair and looking down his nose at the two of them.

Harry nodded and looked to his lap. Essie watched on as he struggled to find the words. Finally, stumbling a little at the beginning, he told Sev, “I… I don’t know for sure, but I think I’ve been having visions.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her dad turn ramrod straight in his chair, all hints of annoyance gone in an instant. “Visions?” he uttered.

Harry looked up a brief moment before lowering his gaze again, face coloring a soft pink. “Do you remember how Mr. Weasley was attacked at the Ministry last year?” he asked Sev, voice very quiet.

Confusion flickered across Sev’s face before he said, “I recall.” Then, when it did not prompt Harry to say more as he hoped, he gave a small huff before asking, “What of it?”

“I dreamt of his attack,” Harry explained, eyes once again raised and trained on her dad’s face. “Perhaps even as it was happening,” he continued. Tone musing, he said, “That was the scariest one I’ve had, but I’ve had others before and after.”

For a long beat, Sev just stared at the two of them. Then, half-aghast, half-cross, he hissed, “And you are only telling someone _ now_?”

Harry looked away and hunched his shoulders. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Her dad closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed in and out. Finally, he opened his eyes again and looked straight at them and said in a clear, firm voice, “It is forgiven.” Leaning forward, he said, “Now, tell me about these visions.”

“It’s like I’m watching a pirated film on my telly at home. I see and hear everything just fine, but it’s off like they taped the film in the cinema with a camcorder,” Harry said, slow and careful, clearly using care in the words he chose to explain his dilemma to Sev.

“Hmm…” Essie’s dad replied, fingers drumming absently on the surface of his desk.

Harry fidgeted the longer Severus said nothing. “I get them when I sleep too if that matters,” he added as the silence continued to stretch on.

Finally, Essie’s dad said, “I have theories for where these visions are coming from.” Essie put a hand over her heart and gave a breathy laugh as it stopped thudding against her ribcage. Harry grabbed her hand, squeezing it immediately after. She glanced at him to see he was smiling, relieved. Clearly, her dad’s silence had started to worry him too. Sev looked once from her to Harry. He exhaled. “However, I would like to speak to the Headmaster about them as well. Would you be comfortable with this course?” he questioned.

Harry bit his lip. Essie understood. Harry had some understandable reservations about Professor Dumbledore after last year. “I… I guess if that’s what’s for the best,” he replied. “Essie mentioned something about occlumency?”

Her dad shot her a look. Essie blinked, uncomprehending. What was bad about telling Harry about the skill? “Yes, occlumency may be able to restrict how many or much of these visions you get,” Sev said through his teeth. “For it to do so, however, you will need to be very dedicated to learning the skill.” Sev glared at her as he told Harry, “Unfortunately, I do not know if you have what it takes. While you clearly are quite strong of mind to have put up with them for so long, you are also very…” he trailed off, pressing his lips into a ugly, pale slash. “_Emotion-driven_, Mr. Potter,” he finally finished.

Understandably, Harry puffed up at the clear insult. “What does me being a little emotional do to my ability to learn?” he demanded.

Her dad shifted his glower to Harry and lectured, “The very act of occlumency requires you to clear your mind of them, remain cool and logical, against these onslaughts of visions. Of attacks done through legilimency.”

Harry was quiet. “I want to try, Professor,” he whispered after what felt like twice as many minutes than the actual one that had passed. “Please,” he added, voice even softer and green eyes so very vivid.

A lump began to swell in Essie’s throat. “Please, Sev?” she squeaked around it as she fluttered her eyes to clear away the tears she felt gathering in the corners. She wanted Harry to get this chance. Maybe it wouldn’t go well, like Sev seemed to think, but at least they would have tried. 

Her dad’s expression gentled around his eyes and Essie fought back the urge to jump from her seat and hug him. “Very well,” he relented. Sev then stuck a finger in Harry’s face and told him, stern once more, “I warn you, I will not go easy on you, Mr. Potter.”

Her friend nodded, smiling in relief. “Of course, Severus,” he said, “thank you.”

Sev’s severe expression did not fade in the face of Harry’s gratitude.“Do not thank me yet, Mr. Potter,” he said, a weariness tugging his shoulders down from their previously squared, defensive position. For both Sev and Harry, Essie hoped these lessons would go well.

-o-O-o-

Essie was leaving the classroom the yearbook committee held their last meeting before Christmas hols in when she was stopped by Colin. She looked up from her notes on what to do in preparation for the after hols meeting and saw the older Gryffindor had his brows knit together in concern.

She frowned up at him. “What?” she asked.

“Are you okay, Essie?” he asked as they stepped out of the classroom together to let the last couple of members leave. “You’ve been quiet this year,” said Colin a hand on the back of his neck and eyes following the receding backs of their fellow members as they walked down the corridor away from them.

Essie puffed out her cheeks, irked and more than a little cross. He was bringing this up_ now_? Really? “Christmas hols are next week and you’ve only _ just _noticed?” she snapped.

Sheepish, he offered her a smile. Essie only crossed her arms, nonplussed. “Erh, sorry?” he said. Then, words rushed, he explained with a completely earnest expression “I kept meaning to! But you haven’t been sticking around after yearbook committee meetings and I have had to spend a lot of my free-time studying for OWLs this year.” His lips pulled into a frown abruptly and his tone turned from hurried and apologetic to indignant. “Not to mention the last half-dozen times I’ve _ tried _ to spend time with you, you’ve _ turned me down_.”

Perhaps Colin had a _ bit _of a point. For the last month or two he really had tried to do things with her, but… She just hadn’t been up for it. Essie really felt it was safest for everyone if she just stuck to Gryffindor Tower when not in class or at meals. She couldn’t accidentally (or less accidentally) cause trouble for anyone, especially Sev, if she was safely cloistered off in her house’s dorm and common room, could she. 

Defensively, she looked away from Colin and his raised eyebrow and muttered, “I… I just haven’t been in the mood for fun.”

“Well, why not?” he demanded, leaning in almost as if he was trying to loom and intimidate her, but didn’t really know how. He probably didn’t. Colin wasn’t that moody, aggressive kind of bloke. He’d always been stubborn and persistent, but never in a mean way. He didn’t have a cruel bone in his body (unlike her, unlike Sev, unlike _ all _ of the Snapes). Essie tilted her head back and considered her friend. Her options. She wasn’t supposed to be saying anything about Sev to _ anyone_. 

Yet she had. 

Of course, she didn’t think Darla would be upset with her for talking to Harry about the vow. She often treated him (and his little sister, Gail) like another younger sibling and she probably would have mentioned it to him over hols if she hadn’t when they went to see him boxing day to exchange gifts as was tradition. Eileen would be peeved at first, but get over Essie’s disloyalty quickly enough. Harry had shared so much with them over the years, far more than he ever had to, and since the Unbreakable Vow could very well concern him in some way… Eileen would soon see it was probably all for the best Essie hadn’t kept it between them. But Colin? Oh no. Not at all. Even Darla would chide her for it, Essie knew. What good did Colin knowing do? None. But… Essie had never kept a secret from Colin. Especially not this long. She also knew he was very good at keeping secrets, unlike herself. It would be perfectly safe for him to know. And Essie might finally start to feel better about everything if he knew and she could talk freely with him again. At the very least, she would begin to feel more like her normal self.

Decision reached, Essie looked around before pulling Colin back into the classroom and closing the door. Placing a couple of different locking charms she knew on the door and then her dad’s signature _ Muffliato _ on them. Letting go of her mate, she met his gaze and warned him, “Colin, if I tell you, you can’t say anything to _ anyone _else.”

He nodded. “I won’t, promise, Essie!” he swore, expression solemn.

She took a moment to breathe.“My dad… He’s taken an unbreakable vow.”

“An unbreakable vow?” he said, expression twisting with uncertainty. “Isn’t that a promise that can kill you if you don’t keep it?”

“It is,” she replied, voice tight.

Colin frowned. “What for?” he asked.

Essie felt tears rush to her eyes and she started to cry. “I don’t know!” she wailed. Between stuttering gulps for air, she worked to calm herself down, Essie explained, “And that’s why I’m always turning you down for everything. It’s just too stressful. I don’t want to do _ anything _in case it could cause Sev to not be able to keep his vow.”

“Essie…” he began, voice soft and eyes shimmering with emotion. He reached out, like he was going to take one of her hands or her arm, but she stepped away.

Violently, Essie shook her head and continued, voice louder and higher with burgeoning hysteria, “And you know Eileen, she’s acting like everything is perfectly fine! Darla writes to check up on us and how the rest of the family is doing, but it’s not very frequent since she’s so busy with her training. I can’t talk to Edie because she doesn’t know that we know and I just—”

Colin cut her off with a swift and inescapable hug. As he squished her against his bony chest, he said into her hair,“Oh, Essie. Hey, things will look up!” He pulled her away and offered a smile to her. “I mean, you’re dad has survived some really scary, awful, dangerous things, hasn’t he? I still remember that werewolf situation from a couple years ago! He stood up to it _ and _protected Harry, Hermione, and Ron, right?” Essie nodded, if a little reluctantly. She didn’t quite see the connection Colin seemed to be making between that incident and this one. “He’s really strong. Whatever promise he made, I’m sure he’ll accomplish it,” he finished, confident.

She sniffled and began to dry her eyes with the sleeve of her robe. Colin kept his hands where they were, just below her shoulders, holding her, comforting her with his thumbs creating small circles on her upper arms in tandem. “He’s survived _ two _confrontations with werewolves,” she mumbled dumbly, recalling the hushed story told to her once by Edie in the aftermath of the latest incident.

Colin’s jaw dropped “Two? God! When did he—” he stopped abruptly as a red color crept up his neck and then his face. “Sorry, what I mean to say is _ see_? An unbreakable vow isn’t going to kill a bloke as tough as him!”

Essie smiled a little, amused by his reaction, but also now a little more at ease. “When you put it like that…” she said seeing he did have something of a point. Severus had been through just as many if not more threatening situations than the one he was in now. He would survive this. She hoped. As Essie began to fret again, she was pulled from her thoughts when Colin gave her a light shake.

“Hey,” he said, one hand letting go of her arm to come and rest beneath her chin. Gently, he lifted it so she would be forced to meet his pale gaze. “Everything will be _ fine_, okay?” Colin assured.

“Okay,” she whispered back. Tipping forward, it was Essie who now embraced Colin. Into his collar bone, she said, “Thank you, Colin, you always make me feel better when I’m scared. I can hardly remember why I was so uneasy about spending time with you anymore.” In little more than a murmur, she finished, “I love you.” She felt his chest hitch beneath her. Looking up at his face, she saw a peculiar expression was on his face. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask what was wrong when, suddenly, his chapped lips were pressed against her own. “Colin…!” she gasped into the kiss, surprised.

When he pulled away, Colin’s expression was one of panic. “I’m sorry. That was bloody _ stupid_!” he said, pulling away from her and wrapping his arms around himself. “Oh, God, Essie, I didn’t mean to!” He told her, gaze earnest and pleading. “Your smile was just so pretty and it’s been so long since I last saw you grin at _ anything_, let alone me and—” Essie cut him off by lifting herself on her toes to reach Colin’s height and capture his moving lips in another kiss. This time, it was not quite so sweet, however. “Mph!” Colin exclaimed when she pushed her tongue past his teeth. 

When Essie felt it was time to get some air, she put one hand on the back of Colin’s neck and rested her fingers in the wisps of blond at his nape. The other hand she pressed against his chest and used it to separate them. In the afterward, they stared at each other through hooded eyes, both their cheeks flushed and lips red. “It’s fine, Colin,” she said. Smirking, she told him, as if it wasn’t obvious from their last kiss, “I quite liked it.” She lowered her eyes to his chest and fiddled with a button on the shirt he was wearing beneath his open robe. She looked up at his awed face through her black lashes. “Would you like to do this a little longer?”

He blinked. “If you want to?” he said, hopeful, but unsure.

She nodded, feeling a little bashful after her forwardness.

“Then, yeah,” he said. Looking down at her, he mumbled, “I’m… going to kiss you.”

Essie grinned. Closing her eyes, she lifted her face toward Colin and for it, she was rewarded with the feel of his rough lips on hers and a good knee-weakening sensation in the pit of her stomach.

-O-

Hours later they stumbled into Gryffindor’s common room, arms slung low on each other and grasping at one another’s bony hips. Essie was giggling into Colin’s throat, peppering his chin with kisses as he kept a firm, guiding hand on her and led them toward one of the common room sofas. It was well past curfew. After their initial snogging session, they’d gone to the kitchen to gather together a hodge-podge dinner which they took to a secluded classroom and ate together before continuing their fun. 

It was Essie, after realizing just how late it had gotten, who suggested they go to their common room. It was late enough it was likely to be empty and they could continue to enjoy each other in the comfort of more familiar surroundings.

Essie laughed none too quietly when Colin tipped her onto a sofa and reached out to him, inviting Colin to join her. However, she was figuratively doused in an _aguamenti_ spell when over Colin’s shoulder she caught sight of a pair of large green eyes staring right at her. Gasping, Essie shoved Colin off her. “Oh, Harry!” she exclaimed only to smile sheepishly and offer a mumbled, “Erh, hullo.”

“Hello to you too,” he said, looking at little less shocked and more amused.

Colin, who was now sitting beside her instead of laying half on top of Essie chuckled nervously and said, “Lovely weather today, isn’t it?”

“Colin!” she hissed at him, gobsmacked by his idiocy. What the Hell was he doing? Speaking lunacy like that?

Harry only snickered. “It’s just brilliant.”

Hands now clasped in her lap, Essie cleared her throat. “So, um, how is tutoring with Sev going?” she asked, wondering if it was going as poorly as Harry suspected it would. That would explain why he was down here tonight at least.

Harry settled back in the armchair he was in. He lifted a hand and tilted it back and forth. “So-so,” he told her. “Sometimes, I think he is being particularly hard on me for no reason, but then he goes and shows me that he does _ want _me to learn and I just can’t bring myself to be overly cross with him.” 

She smiled, fond. “That’s Sev.”

“It really is,” he replied, grinning at her with a knowingness.

Essie fidgeted and tried to find something else to say. After a minute, she asked, “Um, so, are you going to bed now then…?”

Harry nodded. “Yes.” To prove himself honest, he got to his feet and turned toward the staircase leading to the boy’s dorms. Before he walked to it, though, he looked over his shoulder and said, “Hey, Essie? Colin?”

“Yes, Harry?” she asked.

“I’m happy for you two,” he told them, “but I suggest you find some place else to be with each other if you want to do more than snogging. It’s far too easy to be interrupted down here.”

She turned bright red, but still managed to squeak out, “Thanks.”

“Night!” he called as he walked up the staircase.

“Good night!” she yelled after him.

Colin cleared his throat and Essie looked at him. He looked uncertain, but put a hand on her leg. It was placed high, almost salaciously. “So, do you…?”

She sighed. As much as Essie wanted to, Harry had sort of killed the mood. Not to mention a look at the clock told her it was actually very, _very_ late. They had to be up early for classes tomorrow too. “Another time,” she said, reaching over to pat Colin’s cheek. “I think it’s time we go to bed.”

“Oh,” he said, hand falling away and shoulders drooping.

She gave the side of his face a light pat, drawing his eyes to her.“Hey, there _ will _be another time, okay, Colin?” she told him in a serious, but kind tone.

“Okay.”

She bit her lip. Then, softly, admitted to him, “I… I really fancy you.”

“Me too,” he said. Only to flush and stammer, “I mean, fancy you.”

She giggled. “Good night, Colin.”

“See you in the morning, Essie,” he replied smiling at her before they got to their feet and went their separate ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like this chapter?
> 
> Thanks for reading and please me know your thoughts with a comment and/or kudo!


	4. Downward Spiral

“Oi, Creevey, what’re you doin’ over there? The game starts in fifteen!” Dean Thomas shouted over at Colin where he was sitting with her on one of the common room sofas. Colin jumped a little and looked over at Thomas who was wearing some loose-fitting clothes and a pair of football shoes.

“Oh!” he exclaimed popping up from the sofa once he caught sight of his attire. “Right, sorry. I’ll get dressed and meet you in the field.”

Thomas wagged a finger at Colin, a playful smirk on his face. “Don’t be late!” he said.

Colin chuckled. “I won’t,” he promised.

The older boy nodded at Colin and walked on. After he was gone, Colin turned to Essie. His eyes were warm when they met hers. It made her stomach do a little flip and she loved that he could do that. “Footie calls, Essie.”

“We got snow Tuesday,” she said, pouting. Surely that should put a stop to the football club for the season?

Colin laughed. “It was hardly two inches! Trust me, that’s _ nothing_.” As Essie sighed unhappily in response, Colin bit his lip. “Want to study for transfiguration together later?” he asked.

“Sure!” she agreed, smiling again. She’d always enjoyed Colin’s company, but now, after their first kiss, she hardly ever wanted to be away from him.

He grinned at her. “Great, see you soon.” He glanced around then and Essie looked too, curious about what he was looking for. For a Saturday afternoon, the common room was actually quite empty. There were only a few younger students studying at one of the tables near the portrait and almost facing away from them and toward the fire, Thea Macnair appeared to be reading a book. They all had to be at Hogsmeade today, or maybe in the library, for the younger students. Essie was startled out of her musings when a pair of lips brushed over hers. Realizing now why Colin had been looking around, Essie closed her eyes and leaned forward, turning their kiss into a sound one.

“Bye,” she said when he pulled away.

Colin grinned before strutting off toward the boy dorms to get his football stuff. When he was truly gone some ten minutes later, Essie got to her feet and was going to go and get her books from her dorm to study. However, before she could, Macnair turned her head and sneered at her. “Snogging Creevey, are you?” she asked. “What’s dear Professor Daddy have to say about _ that_?”

Essie stilled. “What do you mean?” she asked, frowning at her yearmate.

Macnair scoffed and put down her book. “Oh come off it,” she said. “I know you’re the slow one of your lot, but don’t play dumb with me!” 

Essie felt her face heat up as anger ignited inside of her. “Fuck off! I’m not stupid!” she snapped. This wasn’t the first time Macnair had said that. She’d been calling her the dumb Snape since they were first-years and now, as fourth years, she was sick and tired of it. Especially because it was always Macnair who spoke like a damn oracle and just expected everyone to understand_ her_. “You’re the one talking in bloody riddles like a Ravenclaw!”

Her yearmate continued to glower at Essie for a moment before she seemed to realize that Essie’s initial confusion before the rage had been _ real _ and that was why she was now just baring her teeth back at her in potent silence.“…Merlin, you _ are _dense,” murmured Macnair, utterly stupefied. “You’re really going to make me spell it out for you, aren’t you?”

Essie continued her silence, the only indication she could even hear the other girl over her rage being the balling her fists at her side.

“Fine,” Macnair huffed, crossing her arms. The other girl then glanced around the room, sending off a nasty look in the direction Essie knew the studying younger students to be. Macnair leaned in and said in a low voice meant only to be heard by the two of them, “Creevey is a _Mudblood _and you’re…” she trailed off, face twisting with displeasure before she exhaled in annoyance. “I guess you aren't that much better breeding, but that shouldn’t matter. Professor Daddy was just as much a part of everything as my own dad during the war and I have it on good authority it was on the side that cared about family trees.”

She began to shake. “You’re wrong!” she denied. “Sev— Professor—” stammered Essie, “he’s not like that. He wouldn’t—”

“—Oh! I see,” Macnair said, cutting her off and laughing. “You haven’t even _ told _Professor Daddy about you and Creevey.” Smiling at her in a predatory way, the other girl leaned in and hissed, “What a lark! If you’re at all capable of being clever you’d break up now before he finds out!”

Essie almost shoved the other girl away from her before thinking better of it. Instead, she used the glare she learned from her dad and snapped, “Shove it, MacNair! You don’t know anything!”

She seemed to startle a little at her words, surprised by her vehemence. Her shock didn’t last long however and Macnair began to laugh at her again. “Sure, Snape,” she said, her smile now a wide malicious grin. Voice mocking, she mimicked Essie, “I don’t know _ anything._”

Essie did not feel comforted by the other’s words.

-o-O-o-

The Three Broomsticks was not a quiet place the weekend before winter hols. Everyone was out in full force soaking up their last moments with friends and boyfriends and girlfriends alike. Others were popping in for a quick meal or butterbeer between shopping for gifts for family and mates. A few were just at the pub for the Hell of it, exams and assignments done for the time being. 

However, in spite of the bustle going on around them, Essie and Darla still managed to find themselves a corner to themselves. It was at the end of the bar and Rosmerta had left them to their conversation some thirty minutes ago after serving them each a butterbeer to sip and enjoy. At some point, Darla had waved her wand and cast a muffliato over the two of them, but Essie hardly remembered or noticed, so caught up in her rant about her encounter with Macnair last week. 

Between gulps for breath, she said, “Then she said Sev would be upset because Colin’s a Muggle-born!” Grabbing her butterbeer, she downed half of it. Slamming the drink down on the bartop she huffed, “Can you believe that? He’s not like that _ at all_. I can’t believe Macnair!”

Darla’s expression changed and a strange, unfamiliar timidness overcame her aunt’s features. “Well…” she started, looking down, “Essie, this might be hard for you, but what Sev is today he wasn’t yesterday.”

She frowned, unease bubbling inside of her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Her aunt sighed before she looked up and met her stare. Her eyes, just like her own, were a dead, solemn black. “Macnair, she isn’t entirely wrong,” she told Essie. “Once, well before you or the twins were born, Sev _ was _on the same side as Macnair’s father.”

Essie’s mouth dropped open in shock. That couldn’t be. Everything she knew… “No!” she disagreed, shaking her head. “Sev is a better man than that! He was friends with Harry’s birth mum. He picked_ Muggles _ to raise him too!”

Darla put up her hands and shushed her, even though no one could hear what they were saying. “Essie, I’m not attacking Sev,” she assured her in a soft voice. “I’m just telling you what I know.” Her eyes grew distant. “When I was very small, I remember waking up at times and his bed would be empty,” she said. “Edie would tell me when I went to her he was off doing businesses and he would be home soon.”

Essie crossed her arms and muttered, “That doesn’t mean he was on the Death-Eaters side!”

“Shh!” she hushed again, looking around as if she expected for someone’s eyes to be watching them now. Of course, a look around the room told Essie no one was. The Muffliato charm was working quite well. Darla pinched the bridge of her nose upon realizing her jumpiness was unwarranted. For a moment, there was just the sound of her breathing in and out between the two of them. When her hand fell away from her face, Darla looked at her again with piercing, angry eyes. “Do you truly think that means he _ wasn’t_? Well, Essie, let me tell you all the facts that make it clear he _ was _.”

Lifting a hand, she begins to count off on her fingers, “One, he was a Slytherin and we _ both _ know that raises the chances of being a Death-Eater by a markable amount, especially during the years he was a student.” Essie was going to argue, but Darla’s glare turned glacial and she shut her mouth with an audible clack. Darla stuck out a send finger. “Two, he always wears long-sleeves,” she said. Her words were teasing, but face completely serious as she continued, “Perhaps it’s just the style he likes, but I think we both know it’s not that.” Her aunt breathed in and rose a third and final finger. “Three, he bloody _ told _me.”

Whatever Essie was going to say died on the tip of her tongue. “What?” she uttered when the ability to speak returned to her.

Darla sighed and scrubbed the side of her face. Turning to her drink, she ran a finger around the rim of her glass and muttered to her, “Not in so many words, of course, that’s just not safe. But after I was sorted into Slytherin…” she trailed off for a beat and bit her lip. When she spoke again, her voice was even softer than before. “He frequently checked in with me and spoke with me about being strong and keeping my own mind and how there is a whole world beyond Hogwarts.”

“Maybe he was just being a good big brother,” Essie whispered in return with a desperate, fervent hope her aunt would agree.

Her aunt raised her head and there was something sad about her eyes even as she smiled am adoring, kind smile. “Oh, Essie, I love you,” she said, reaching out and laying one warm hand on Essie’s cold cheek. Darla’s eyes seemed to glisten as they roved over her features. “I can’t figure out how you’ve managed to become such an optimist,” she said, “but I envy you for it.”

Essie felt her lower lip begin to tremble. It broke her heart to ask, but she did. “Sev was a Death-Eater?”

Darla’s hand fell away and she retracted it back to her person where she wrapped it and her other around her glass of butterbeer to bring the drink close to her. “I’m afraid so,” she said.

Thoughts racing and voice tremulous, Essie questioned,“ What will happen if I tell him I’m going out with Colin?”

Something sparked in her aunt’s eyes and Darla leaned over the start of a smirk at the corners of her mouth. “Essie, his blood is not going to be the reason he is cross,” she told her, one hand coming to rest on her shoulder as she drew her close. “The fact your boyfriend has been the one who’s hounded him for five years for pictures to put in the yearbook will be why he’s annoyed with you when he finds out,” she said.

Essie laughed and, then, she began to cry.

Darla held her tight through it all.

-o-O-o-

She was utterly gutted. Her father, her _ Sev _ had been a Death-Eater. One of those terrifying figures who looked like a specter of death and swooped into places causing mayhem, death, and destruction. Darla told her she didn’t think Severus’s prejudices ran half as deep as some of the worst, like the Lestranges, but that still meant he had some kind of bigotry in him. However, as hard as she tried to recall instances of him being clearly prejudiced, she couldn’t. There were a few memories of some off-color remarks about Muggles, but not much else. She didn’t know if she should feel a kind of relief that he’d done such a superb job of hiding his bigotry or perturb that Sev could conceal what he truly was so easy. 

Essie had planned to tell him and Edie she was seeing Colin in a romantic sense over Christmas Hols while Colin was out of the castle to give Sev some time to soak in the new change and work through any difficult emotions he might have while Colin was out of threatening distance. But now? How could she?

For all Essie knew, her Sev’s hidden prejudices could be lit anew at hearing she was seeing a Muggle-Born. Who knew what would happen then. Sev might just make Colin’s life as a student in his class a living Hell, but he also might do worse. Much, much worse. Essie felt herself break out in a cold sweat at the thought. Should she break up with Colin for his safety?

“Are you okay?”

Essie blinked and looked away from the flames in the common room’s hearth. “Hm?” she replied to Colin, who was staring at her with furrowed brows.

He sighed and reached over to take one of her hands, but she jerked it away at the last second. No one was watching them she didn’t think, but that was what she thought before too. Colin stared down at their hands when he grabbed air. When he looked up again, he said, “Is something wrong?”

She forced a smile for her boyfriend and gave a small, soft shake of her head. “No,” she answered. “I’m just feeling a little under the weather. It’s better you don’t touch me.” She joked, grinning wider, “You wouldn’t like throwing up Christmas Eve dinner Christmas morning.”

Colin studied her a moment longer as if he was trying to figure out if she was telling the truth or not and Essie did her best to keep her grin in place, hoping he would believe her. Finally, her boyfriend nodded. “Alright,” he said with a chuckle. “But I think I’d still like to risk a kiss tomorrow before I go.”

Essie laughed too, though, her mind was working double-time to find a time and place she could steal a snog with Colin where she wouldn’t have to fear anyone else seeing them. She hoped Colin wouldn’t question her when she pulled him into an empty corridor tomorrow for a quick snog sess. 

-o-O-o-

As they have every year since Harry’s first at Hogwarts, Essie, her sisters, and Darla go to Harry’s home on Boxing day. Unfortunately, Essie just can’t muster any of her usual excitement or joy for the celebration. Going there, hands laden with gifts for Harry, Gail, and their dad felt excruciating. Walking around their lounge room, making conversation with the Crosses, her family, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny felt like a chore. When she found a moment to slip away to the kitchen and fill her cup of punch, she went. After she took twice as long as necessary to fill the small cup, she stood next to the pitcher holding more of the drink and just sipped at her cup. She knew it was likely someone would notice her missing presence soon, Essie didn’t have Eileen’s talent for hiding in plain sight or the standoffish front Sev wore so well that kept people away from him.

Even so, Essie just couldn’t muster up the energy to care. She was tired. She’d hardly slept at all since hols started and she didn’t think she would again until she could sleep in the dorms again without getting raised eyebrows from Edie. Sev was around too much these holidays too. Which was a surprise to Essie since Edie had still seemed quite cross with her dad the last time she checked in before Christmas holiday’s start. She sort of wondered what Sev might have said or done to cool her mum’s temper, but hadn’t asked Eileen or Darla. Eileen she was busy trying to hold a grudge against for how she responded to the news of Sev’s unbreakable vow (it wasn’t going very well, these days, she just felt extremely envious her sister could easily close her eyes and ears to the truths going on around her) and Darla she feared to bother too much when she was already so busy. She might just get irritated with her if she ran to her with yet another problem so soon. 

Essie also was no closer to deciding whether she would tell Sev and Edie about Colin or no than she was before the start of holidays. She knew she didn’t have much longer to decide if she truly wanted to give Sev a chance to take in the news and not do something dumb (as she initially worried). Sighing, she brought her cup to her lips and took a long, slurping sip.

“Ah, here you are,” Harry said as he stepped into the room.

Essie stopped slurping and blushed.

He laughed. “Ah, don’t worry,” he told her. “I know girls slurp.” Approaching her, he whispered, “And worse.” Reaching for the pitcher of punch, he poured it into his mostly empty glass and said, “I’ve got a little sister, you know?”

“I know,” she mumbled back, face still a warm red. 

Harry nodded. Putting down the pitcher, he then chose to settle into the spot beside her and leaned back against the counter. “So,” he said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she replied far too quickly.

Harry raised an eyebrow.

Essie looked into her glass. An ice cube bobbed amongst the red liquid. After a long moment, she admitted, “I haven’t told Sev about me and Colin yet.”

He cocked his head and frowned at her. “Why not?” he asked. “I know he’s not your dad’s favorite student, but I think he’d be happy enough for you.”

Essie squirmed in place and tried desperately to find a way to tell Harry her fears without telling too much. She probably shouldn’t say _ anything_, but… Essie never could keep a secret from someone she cared about. “Sev,” she said, “He was— Before— I don’t—”

“Oh, yeah,” Harry said, cutting her off and shocking Essie right to her center. Head snapping up, she stared dead into her friend’s eyes. 

“You… know…?” she whispered, shocked and feeling a little betrayed.

Harry’s expression turned sheepish and he ran a hand through his hair. “Well,” he said, “only a very little bit.” Essie felt tears spring to her eyes. He’d known and never _ said_? It was one thing, with Darla, she _ always _knew things the rest of them didn’t. Harry, he was—

“Essie!” he exclaimed, one hand reaching out and resting on her shoulder. She sucked in a long, shuddering breath. “Hey,” he said, before lifting his hand to gently push her quivering chin up so she’d have to look Harry in the eye. When their gazes met, he told her, “I didn’t try. It’s because of my legilimency lessons. What I’ve seen… it wasn’t all good.” He bit his lip. “It was very _ not _good,” he mumbled more to himself than her. “But I also saw good stuff too,” he explained. “He’s defected,” Harry told her. “Or at least that’s the impression I get,” he continued a little more reluctant sounding.

She sniffled. “Yeah?” she said.

Harry nodded. “For what it’s worth, I think he’s pretty brilliant to have switched sides when he knew it would be even more dangerous than just trying to run away from everything.”

Essie couldn’t explain why, but that was comforting to know. Perhaps because it felt like Sev had grown as a person instead of remaining who he was and just escaping the consequences of being that man. It also sort of affirmed what Darla had said about Sev not being the same man he was today, yesterday. She looked at Harry through her lashes, assessing. She wondered if Harry would say the same as Darla about Sev and his bigotry. “Do you think he still sees blood the way he used to?”

Her friend frowned. “Honestly, I don’t really know if his choosing that side in the first war even had anything to do with blood for him,” he explained. Harry then turned his head to look around the room. “I guess if you truly want to know you could go through some of the memories he keeps in his Pensieve. That would probably give you a better idea than what little bit I can guess from the few things I’ve seen.”

“Pensieve?” she repeated, interest piqued. She hadn’t realized Sev had one of those.

Harry dipped his chin. “Yeah, it’s in his office,” he replied. “You be careful if you do go look in it,” he warned, “he said he’d have my tongue if I told anyone.” Harry smiled a little. “I’m pretty sure that was just talk, but…”

Essie laughed. “I know,” she replied. “Best not to find out, aye?”

Her friend grinned. “Right.”

Essie leaned in and wrapped her arms around Harry a moment. “Thanks, by the way.”

“Any time,” he replied as he gently patted her back.

-o-O-o-

Essie came to a hard stop when she entered her family’s lounge room to see Edie and Sev passed out on the room’s sofa. Edie was slumped into Sev’s shoulder and face pressed to his chest. As for Sev, he had one arm slung over Edie’s shoulders and his cheek was lying atop Edie’s head, putting his neck in an odd angle that would surely leave a crick in it come morning. For a long moment, she just stared at the two, fearing one would wake if she took another step into the room.

However, the more her eyes adjusted to the almost total darkness she realized there were two bottles of wine sitting on the coffee table in front of her parents and two wine glasses as well. One looked only a quarter-full and the other entirely empty. Slowly, carefully, she crept toward them. When she was in front of the coffee table, she picked up one of the bottles and found it weightless. They had drunk it all, she realized with some awe. Her parents were typically sparing with alcohol. They had told her a few times over the years they’d grown up being raised by people who drank too much, too often, which made them many things including erratic and mean. To not repeat that behavior with her or the rest of the girls, they always watched how much they drank and how often. 

Or at least they had. Essie wondered what prompted the change. 

Abruptly, she shook her head. Now was not the time to contemplate their change in drinking behavior. They were _ out_. It was the perfect time to go to Sev’s office and look in his Pensieve. Backing away from Edie and Sev, she headed for the portrait that would lead her out of her family’s quarters. After leaving them, she kept to the shadows as she padded through Hogwarts’s corridors. While curfew was more lenient now since it was the holidays, if Essie were caught by a professor on patrol, she knew they would have questions for her. What reasons did she have to be walking around on New Years Day at two in the morning? All the celebrations ended at least an hour ago. Thankfully, perhaps to her great care, she reached Sev’s office with little trouble. Getting in was no difficulty either. Her father may have warded his office against pesky students and nosey colleagues, but she knew how to get in. He’d never been careful around her when letting them into his office. Essie was his daughter, after all.

Once inside, she went to the bookcases he kept lined against the left wall and began to inspect the middle case for a particular book Harry described to her when discussing how to get at the Pensieve in Sev’s office. After several silent minutes, she found the key to the Pensieve. It was a fade red text with a cracked spine that made the book’s title and author unreadable. Grinning in victory, she pulled the book from its place on the shelf. Not a second later the bookcase to the right moved forward and then slid aside, revealing a small alcove filled with shelves holding glass bottles containing wispy, cloudy colorful memories and an austere table holding a large, shallow metal dish she knew to be Sev’s Pensieve from the directions Harry gave her. Going over to the alcove, she inspected the many bottles available to her. Many were labeled in one or two word-descriptors that made little sense to her. Essie found it was a little overwhelming trying to make sense of what she was seeing.

As she scanned the bottles, reading their labels as she looked them over, one managed to catch Essie’s eyes. It read _ Bones’ Deaths_. Curious, she reached for it. Inspecting the vial, she evaluated the shimmery dark cloud inside and wondered what it might hold. The name seemed rather straightforward, but did it mean Sev had been there _ for _ their deaths, or for the aftermath of them? And which Bones’ deaths? There were the deaths of Stephen and George’s parents, but she was quite sure they’d lost a grandmother or step-grandmother and great-aunt in the first war too. Their aunt Amelia had been killed over the summer this year as well. Essie grimaced at the recollection. That was _ so much _family. How did the Bones manage to function? How had they not run from Britain yet for safer pastures? Her musings were interrupted rather suddenly when the fireplace behind her fired to life with someone using the floo network. Dropping the vial, it hit the rim of the Pensieve and broke. Panic seized her, but only for a moment. Thankfully, instead of evaporating into nothing, the memory spilled into the Pensieve and pooled there. Relieved, Essie put a hand over her heart and sighed.

“What’re you doin’ here, Essie?” slurred the familiar voice of her aunt from by the hearth. Looking in her direction, Essie blinked at the sight of her aunt. Darla was swaying a little in place, her clothes were a bit rumpled and her bangs stuck flat against her head. She looked—

“Are you _ pissed_?”

Darla gave a big, careless shrug. “It’s New Years,” she said.

Essie wrinkled her nose in distaste. “What are you doing here?”

“Deb and Piper decided they were _ too good _for a shag in the loo like me,” she groused. “And I’m not interested in gettin’ up in the mornin’ and makin’ small-talk with the louts they picked up while they nurse their hangovers.”

Essie felt her jaw drop. “What?” she sputtered.

Darla waved off her shock. “You’ll understand in a few years,” she told Essie in a sage voice. “So, what are you doin’ niece-mine?”

“Um…” she mumbled, looking in the Pensieve and then to her feet, embarrassed. She hadn’t meant to be caught in Sev’s office let alone with his Pensieve.

Coming to her side, Darla grinned at her when she realized Essie was shielding Sev’s pensieve. “Oh ho,” she said, fascinated. “Sev has one of these, does he?” she murmured leaning in to inspect it more closely

“Yes,” she replied. “Harry told me.”

Darla appeared to mull this information over as she rubbed a hand beneath her chin and looked down at the memory swirling in the pensieve with thoughtful consideration. “I know I should scold you about invadin’ Sev’s privacy, but…” she grabbed Essie’s arm and dragged her close. “I can do that after we look at the memory you picked,” she said with a little laugh.

Essie tried to object, but Darla gave her no time to as she quickly put her face in it. Sighing in defeat, Essie joined her aunt.

-O-

Essie and Darla were in a dark, narrow hallway of a home. What had to be only a room – perhaps two – away they could hear the hoarse high-pitched keen of a woman. To Essie, it sounded as if she was being tortured. Not a moment later she startled backward into Darla, who then stumbled a step back herself when a darkly-cloaked figure stepped into their field of vision. Essie gasped when she saw he was wearing the mask of a Death-Eater. 

“_Have you found their brats yet?_" he asked.

Sev of this memory replied voice raised to be heard over the screams, “_Not yet_!”

The Death-Eater before Severus made an exaggerated motion with his shoulders that seemed to indicate he was sighing, even if they could not see his parting lips and exasperated expression. “_Hurry up, would you?_” demanded the Death-Eater. “_Pyrites says she's becoming boring." _

Essie grabbed her aunt’s hand, whispering, “No!” So it was what it seemed. There _ was _a poor woman being tortured just out of sight.

“Shh…” Darla hushed, squeezing her hand.

Sev of the memory said nothing in response to the Death-Eater’s complaint, just turned his attention back to the search for whoever the “brats” were. They moved down the hall, coming to its last door on the left. She and Darla watched him open the door and move into the room. Uncaringly, he turned over the room’s furniture and other content with his wand. However, Sev’s ransacking came to an abrupt halt when he turned over the room’s dresser. Essie covered her mouth as Darla whispered, “Is that…?”

On the floor that had been beneath the dresser, there laid a boy of maybe five holding a little baby against his chest. That was not the interesting part to Essie or Darla, however, it was the little boy himself. He looked like a little boy version of Stephen Bones come alive. They would know too as they’d seen his small, young face plenty of times covering the walls of his aunt and uncle’s home during their visits there over the years. The boy’s eyes were bright with terror as he stared up at the memory Sev and his fingers curled tighter in the fabric of the baby-gro the infant atop him wore. The terror in his gaze did not fade in the slightest even when Severus raised one hand with a silencing finger for the little Stephen Bones to see. They watched on as the dresser was slowly lowered back in place, covering Stephen and what had to be George once more. Memory Sev then walked out of the room and yelled down the hall, "_They aren't here! One of them must have sent the buggers away!_"

They heard the Death-Eater from before curse in the next room and seconds later, memory Sev was in the same room as him and Essie felt her stomach churn. On the floor was the still nearly unrecognizable body of a man. Next to him was a twitching body of a woman, a different Death-Eater, Pyrites? looming over her. His hood seemed to have fallen off his head at some point, revealing a thick mane of red hair. “_Bloody cunt,_” he snarled down at the woman, “_Ruining our fun_!” He then shot off a killing curse at the poor woman, turning her into a corpse just like the man. Essie slapped a hand over her mouth to keep herself from throwing up. 

“He was _ there _ for this?” Darla whispered next to her, her tone thready and faraway. Essie glanced up at her aunt through wet eyes. Darla didn’t seem to be focused on the horrors going on in front of them at all, instead, her attention seemed to elsewhere and she looked downright furious with an aggressive curl to her lip and her hands balled into white-knuckled fists at her side.

“Darla?” she whispered, uncertain and confused.

Her aunt ignored her as the memory continued around them. 

“_Let's go,_" memory Sev said, sounding just a shade pushy. "_There's nothing left to do._”

The other Death-Eaters ignored him and the red-haired one, Pyrites, shifted his aggression to the man’s body and lifted a foot which he brought down with great force on his face. “_Fucking bastard_!” he growled, “_Probably thinks he won! But we'll find your damn brats soon enough!_"

The last of Essie’s composure fell away and she began to sob outright as Pyrites continued to desecrate the poor man’s corpse. The corpse that was probably the man Stephen and George had once called their daddy. Darla didn’t join her in her tears, instead, she began to cuss and mutter to herself, her rage from earlier only growing.

Pyrites was soon dragged away from the Bones’ dad’s corpse by the first Death-Eater who said to him, “_C'mon mate. The faster we report to the Lord, the faster we can go out and do some Muggle-Baiting_."

Pyrites anger-tense form relaxed a margin as he bobbed his head. “_Yes, okay_,” he agreed before letting the Death-Eater lead him away. Memory Sev quickly followed after their black-clad backs and, soon, the memory started to fade around the edges until it disappeared altogether. After, Essie and Darla pulled their faces from the Pensieve with loud, breathless gasps.

“That _ asshole_!” Darla roared as soon as they caught their breaths. “I’ve asked him if he knew who killed Stephen’s parents and he _ lied _to me! Bloody Hell!”

“What?” Essie said, blinking at her aunt. She began to ask, “Why would you want to—”

However, before she could finish her question, Darla was storming out of the room and Essie had to run after her. “What are you doing?” she demanded as they flew down Hogwarts corridors and in the direction of their family’s quarters.

Darla didn’t answer her and instead kept her eyes laser-focused on the path in front of them.

Essie tried to grab at her aunt’s sleeve, but Darla yanked her arm away. “Darla!” she cried after her. Her aunt continued to ignore her and when they reached the portrait that hid their quarters, she spat the password at the portrait and rushed into the quarters. Essie’s heart was thudding with the force of a fist against her chest and she was pleading with Darla almost nonsensically, repeating, “Please! Don’t! Darla! Stop, Darla. _ Darla _!” at her aunt. 

As she had all the way to their family quarters, Darla continued to ignore her begging and pulling fingers in favor of waving her wand and turning the lounge room’s light on, illuminating the now stirring forms of Edie and Sev.

“Darla?” Edie slurred tiredly.

Darla ignored Essie’s mum in favor of jabbing her finger at Sev and hissing, “You knew _ all along_.”

Sev who was only a little more awake and lucid than Edie, frowned at Darla and said, “Knew what, girl? There is _ much _I know.”

“Who killed Stephen’s parents!” she roared.

Essie shrank back away from Darla when she saw Sev’s tired, annoyed face turn sharp and furious. “What have you done?” he demanded, looking at Essie and not Darla.

She shook and stuttered, “I, I’m so sorry…”

“What _ she’s _ done isn’t what we’re talking about!” yelled Darla as she stepped in front of Essie effectively taking her out of the row. “What _ we _ are speaking about is what _ you _have done!” Voice dropping she hissed, “Which is a lie.”

“What would Bones have done with the information?” demanded Sev, crossing his arms and sneering at Darla. “Seek revenge? Murder them?” He laughed cruelly. “I watched that boy pass out in my classroom from the sight of his own cut finger!” He stuck out his hand, two fingers held up for Darla and Essie to see. “_Twice_, Darla. That boy would be killed the moment he fainted after wounding one of the two!”

Darla made a frustrated noise and raked a hand through her hair before snapping, “I don’t know, but he deserves to know who took his parents from him!”

Sev’s scowl deepened as he stalked forward and got in Darla’s face. “Why?” he demanded. “What good would have come of it?” Something flickered across Sev’s eyes and his voice softened as he said, “The Bones family has held enough funerals these last two decades, they do not need to have another.”

Darla’s expression was stony and her eyes glacial. “I _ asked,_” she repeated. “You _ swore _you would not lie to me.”

“Where it concerns you and our family and futures, I have not and will not,” Severus told Darla.

Essie watched her aunt’s lips turn into a thin, bloodless slash. “That is not good enough,” she replied in a cool tone. Turning on her heel then, she stocked toward the lounge room’s hearth. “Goodbye, Severus, I will not be coming home again.”

“Darla!” Edie called after Essie’s aunt as Essie stayed rooted to the floor tongue leaden in her mouth.

Her aunt glanced at Edie, eyes softening slightly before hardening once more. “I bet you knew too and never told me either,” she said. As Edie started to protest and proclaim her innocence, Darla put up a hand to silence her. “No,” she ordered, “don’t.” Her eyes then snapped to Essie. “You know how to reach me if you need me,” she told her. “Tell Eileen and Calliope I’ll always take an owl from them.”

Essie could only stare as Darla took a fistful of floo powder from the tin sitting on the shelf above the hearth and threw it into the fireplace before stepping in and going home. When she was well and gone, Essie turned to her parents and whispered, “She’s just cross… Right?”

Edie’s hands were twisted together in the front of her blouse and her eyes misty. Sev’s expression was one of shock and he was pale. When neither answered after a moment, she said, a little louder, edged with hysteria, “Right?”

“Darla doesn’t say things like that unless she means it,” said a voice to Essie’s right. She looked in the direction of it to see Eileen standing in the mouth of the corridor that led to their family’s bedrooms. Calliope was flush against her older sister’s side, thin arms wound tightly around Eileen's middle.

“She’s just cross,” Essie insisted. “And a little pissed,” she added before shaking her head and saying, “She _ can’t _mean it.”

Eileen glowered at her. “Dunderhead,” she spat before turning to Calliope and stroking her blonde strands. “Come on, Calliope, you can sleep with me for the rest of the night.”

Essie could only watch, in open-mouthed surprise as her older sister and little sister disappeared back into the corridor of darkness. Turning back to her parents, she found that they were clinging to each other in a manner not all that dissimilar from after they heard the news of Lottie’s death. More frightened than even when she saw Pyrites torture and kill the Bones' mum, Essie began to quake. Crouching low, she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to catch her breath as panic and despair coursed through her. 

_What had she done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter covers a lot of ground. What part did you like best? Like least?
> 
> Thanks for reading and please let me know your thoughts with a comment and/or kudo :)


	5. Consequences

Essie heard the soft sound of feet swishing through the hay covering the floor of the Owlery and forced herself even smaller in response. She had chosen to hide here tonight because she had been confident no one would be sending letters their first night back at Hogwarts after hols. They’d all be too busy catching up with mates and boyfriends or girlfriends. Apparently, she had been wrong. Distantly, Essie thought she should feel upset by this revelation. She had been a dunderhead again. Yet… The emptiness that had settled in her chest after her initial panic and despair after Darla stormed out of their family’s quarters remained unfilled. 

There was some more shuffling, closer to her this time and Essie lifted her head just slightly and saw Harry staring back at her, that stupid map he’d gotten from the Weasley twins in his hands. She frowned at him before returning her attention to the patent leather toes of her shoes. Clearly, he had been looking for Essie if he had the map, but she didn’t care. He could do the work and ask the questions, she had no energy to figure out why he sought her out.

“So your dad found me after dinner and told me our occlumency and legilimency lessons are canceled,” Harry said, sitting down next to her huddled form on one of the Owlery’s cleaner crates. “Forever,” he added when she didn’t respond. “Do you know why?” he asked, his tone just shy of accusatory.

Essie fiddled with one end of the two plaits she wore her hair in, debating what to say. How much. Finally, she asked, “Have you heard from Darla lately?”

“Should I have?” asked Harry, brows furrowing. “The last I saw her was Boxing Day… She said she’d start writing to me again when school started back up, like usual, then.”

She released a pent up breath. Well, it seemed it was her job to explain then. “I went to go look in the Pensieve like you suggested,” she said in a whisper, “Darla showed up after I accidentally dropped a memory into it.”

“When did you do this?” Harry asked, sounding miffed.

She frowned deeply and gave her plait an almost painful twist. “The very early morning of New Years Day.”

Harry was eyeing her, his confusion not at all cleared by her answer. “And Darla just… appeared in Severus’s office?”

Essie nodded. “Yes, I reckon she was trying to be considerate of all us down in the quarters since she was kind of pissed, but…” she trailed off and chewed her bottom lip a brief moment. “She saw me with the Pensieve and wanted to see the memory I accidentally put in it.” She met Harry’s gaze. “It was a memory of George Bones’s parents’ murders.”

Harry stared back at her, gaze wide. “Severus was there for that?” he whispered.

“He saved them,” she replied softly. “But Darla… I guess she had been asking Sev about the Death Eaters who killed his parents and Sev had lied to her about knowing.” Numbly, she finished, “She was _ furious _ with him. I’ve never… She said she was never going to come home again.” Essie felt tears prick in her eyes for the first time in days. “She _ disowned _Sev and Edie.” Voice quaking she told Harry, “Sev must know you’re who told me about the Pensieve and now he’s punishing you for me being a sneak and Darla disowning him!”

“Essie,” Harry said, patting her back awkwardly. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and turned to wrap her arms around Harry’s waist and cry into his stomach. “No, _ I _ am!” she sobbed. “I’ve ruined _ everything_!”

The weight of Harry’s hand disappeared from her back and moved to her head. Gently, he pulled at her face and made her look up at him. When she met his gaze, it was solemn and firm. “This was all a terrible accident,” he said to her. “You ruined nothing, do you understand?”

Her lips quivered with objections and she didn’t know if she should swallow them down or to start screaming them at Harry because while he seemed so _ sure _what happened was not her fault, everything inside of Essie said it was. Harry seemed to understand exactly how she felt as he sighed. His own expression turned anguished and he hunched forward, causing Essie to remove her head from his lap and angle her face up to further study Harry’s. “Essie, I’ve felt extremely responsible for a lot of things in my life,” Harry told her. “First, it was Mum’s cancer, silly as it sounds, but I was pretty little still when she got it and didn’t understand a lot of what was going on.” He sighed and pushed his knuckles beneath his glasses to scrub at his eyes. “The next time I felt completely responsible for somebody was Cedric.”

Essie felt her breath catch in the back of her throat. She remembered that day well when Harry showed up at the end of the tournament with the body of the well-liked Hufflepuff. The days after that had been a huge blur. While it had been deeply upsetting to lose Cedric, it had also dredged up a lot of memories for her of Lottie’s death and subsequent funeral. She’d been hardly coherent the whole week after his passing and had, unfortunately, been of little help comforting Harry.

“But even that wasn’t my fault,” Harry told her once he stopped pressing his knuckles to his eyes. “I was just as much a pawn in what happened as Cedric was,” Harry said. “It took a lot of work from those closest to me to make me see that, but… Eventually, I did. I think that’s why I’ve been able to put up with the visions I keep getting too. He’s trying to break me and I can _ feel _ him trying to tap into the guilt I have about Cedric’s death to do that, but there’s less and less of it each time he tries because I just keep reminding myself it’s _ not _ my fault. _ He _ took Cedric’s life with his stupid, terrible, cruel scheme and it’s _ his _fault,” finished Harry, impassioned.

Essie awed a little at his conviction and anger, impressed Harry had so stubbornly pulled himself out from under his unfounded guilt in the face of the _ Dark Lord _ trying to bury him in it. She was soon startled when Harry grabbed her hands and squeezed them. “What happened, Essie? You couldn’t have known it would all go that way. You’re not a seer. It was all dumb luck as far as I can tell. If Darla wants to be cross with your dad about him not sharing stuff with her, that’s on her, _ not _you.” Harry smiled a little. “I’m sure the disownment won’t be forever either. I realize I haven’t known her half as long as you all, but I’d like to say I still do. Quite well, too. Your dad? He can hold a grudge. So can Eileen. But Darla?” He lifted a hand and made a teeter-totter motion with it. “Only for so long.”

Essie felt her lips twitch with the start of a smile. It was a comfort to know Harry felt Darla would come home one day. Especially since the rest of her family acted as if she was gone from their quarters for good. She reached out and embraced Harry once again. “You’re right,” she said. “She’s not one for grudges.”

“And you’re not responsible for what happened either,” Harry insisted.

She didn’t feel like she could agree to that, even though Harry’s argument was quite a sound one. Maybe someday. Maybe when Darla came home. Until then… 

Essie exhaled and nodded against Harry, hoping he would take it as her relenting to his logic.

Harry hugged her back then and Essie felt infinitely better than she had since this whole mess began.

-O-

A short time later when Harry and Essie reached the Fat Lady’s Portrait, they found students gathered around it, blocking them from going into their common room. A brief scan of the faces and shapes of those in the group quickly told Essie it was made of Harry’s yearmates with a few seventh and fifth years mingled in. There were younger students milling around on the outside of it, several from the group, like Ginny Weasley and Colin, popped in and out of the main group, passing along whatever was being said by those inside to those outside. Essie looked to Harry, questioning. He shrugged at her and she nodded her understanding. He probably missed whatever created this when he decided to find her instead.

It didn’t take long at all for Colin to notice her or for Ginny to notice Harry and they were soon drawn into the group by the two. At the center was a distraught looking Susan Bones. Her eyes were puffy and the ends of her blonde hair knotted and tangled as if they’d been twisted and pulled at for some time. When she saw them, her distraught gaze turned to one of cautious hope. “Harry,” she said. “You haven’t seen Stephen, have you?”

Harry shook his head. “Sorry,” he said, “I can’t say I have.”

The hope began to wither in her gaze and she turned to Essie, lip quivering. “Essie…?”

She gave a tiny shake of her head.

Susan’s face crumpled entirely and she gave a loud, jagged sob. “Oh no!”

“Oh no?” Essie echoed alarmed, attempting to reach out and lay a comforting hand on the other girl’s shoulder only to have it swatted away. A glance up showed the hand was connected to Megan Jones. Essie resisted the urge to scowl. She’d never cared for Jones, who’d disliked her for being Eileen’s sister. What Eileen had done to her, she didn’t know, neither would say, but she had a feeling it was idiotic, but both were perfectly happy to hold a grudge. 

Susan cried harder. “I haven’t seen him since we were supposed to be getting on the Express together to come back to Hogwarts!” she explained. “He waved for me to go ahead and said he’d follow in a minute, but I haven’t seen him since.”

Essie felt her stomach drop like prematurely canceled leviosa. ‘No,’ she thought, mind flooding with denial. She glanced to Harry, his face was white and grim. “Did he say anything else?” he asked Susan.

Susan started to shake her head only to pause and draw her brows together. “Wait, George said ‘he had to do something.’” She looked at Harry and then at some of the Hufflepuff boys, “What do you think that something was?”

The Hufflepuffs exchanged glances and a whisper or two before turning back to Susan. “We don’t know,” Neville Longbottom replied for them all, face drawn into a contrite expression.

Essie couldn’t look at Susan anymore. She couldn’t fool herself any longer, she knew where George had gone. Yet Essie feared to say anything. Is she did, she would surely reveal some of the Snape’s closest guarded secrets. If she did that she didn’t know what would happen or if forgiveness could ever be earned from Sev or Edie. Surely it would be impossible to ever receive it from Eileen. Slowly, she looked out of the corner of her eye at Harry. His jaw was taut with tension as he parted his lips to say, “Sorry, Susan, I don’t have an idea either.”

Susan fell to pieces entirely at that point and began to wail as awfully as any banshee. Jones and several other girls crowded around her to offer comfort and reassuring words. Essie reached for Harry and whispered, “Should we…?” She didn’t like the way Susan looked at all. It reminded her of Edie right after the news of Lottie’s death and it was terrifying.

“No,” he hissed back, tone harsh. “What happened might not be why he’s gone at all.”

Essie nodded, though, her gut was very sure what she saw New Year’s Day in that Pensieve with Darla was exactly why George was missing all of a sudden. She started to gnaw the inside of her cheek, worried anew. She hoped Sev would let her into his office when she went to see him later. She had a feeling he needed to know about George’s absence sooner rather than later if anything was to be done about it.

-O-

Thankfully, when she went to Sev’s office a short time after the group around Gryffindor Tower dispersed, he let her in after she knocked. Essie only waited long enough for him to close the door behind them before she told him about what had happened. Sev’s already pale skin became as white as hospital sheets and his typically stern expression was now one of utter and all-consuming rage. “Darla,” he growled. “You stubborn, _ stupid _girl.”

Essie turned her attention to her toes and said nothing. Darla might have been the one who told the Bones brothers, but she only knew because of Essie. There was a half-mad glint to her dad’s eyes and Essie knew she should make herself as small as she could so when the opportunity arose, she could escape with as little notice as possible. Sev was bound to have one of those fits that Edie used to send her, her sisters, and Darla out of the room for. She gasped when she felt his hand wrap around her upper arm. It was none-too-gentle, but it didn’t feel punishing either as he guided her out of his office with him. “You will say nothing to anyone,” he told her. His gaze locked with her own as he hissed, “_ Especially _to Ms. Bones.” Once in the corridor outside his office, he gave her a firm shake. “Darla has cocked things and if you make it even worse, Esther…”

“I won’t,” she swore, alarmed at his tone.

Some of the rage ebbed away and Essie awed as a strange, unidentifiable emotion crossed Sev’s face. Essie tensed when Sev let her go and lifted a hand. She remained so even as he used it to stroke her cheek instead of striking her. “I am sorry,” he said, “this is my fault.”

Essie didn’t know what to say. When she finally found words again, all she could mutter was a confused, “What?” 

However, it was much too quietly spoken and said too late. Sev was far down the corridor, storming off in the direction of what Essie could only assume was the Headmaster’s office. For a long time after her dad disappeared from view, she stood fixed to where he had left her. Essie was terribly afraid to move, to find out what would be next in this long line of horrors and heartbreaks that seemed to await her.

-o-O-o-

It was hours and hours past the start of school again. Hours past Harry finding her in the Owlery and the news of George Bones’s absence. A couple of mores since she told Sev what she had learned. It was but a handful until a new day dawned and Essie was too heart-sick and scared to so much as let her eyes close for but a blink. Tossing beneath her blankets and sheets, she finally grew too frustrated to stay in her bed and threw it all off and dressed in her robe and slippers. 

Padding out of her dorm, she walked down the corridor and then the stairs leading out of the girls’ dormitory. In the common room, she felt her despair double when she saw it was barren of all life. Not even one ember clung stubbornly to life in the fireplace. For a moment, she shuffled in place, wondering what she should do. Usually, she might go to her parents’ quarter. Yet she wasn’t sure if that was such a good idea right now considering, well, _ everything_. Eileen wouldn’t have her either in her dorm let alone her bed, after New Year’s morning, she was sure. Essie’s eyes were soon drawn to the staircase that led up to the boys’ dormitory. Colin…

She bit her lip. He would let her sleep with him, wouldn’t he? Yes, he would. She would have to remember to get up early to avoid any awkwardness with his dormmates. Essie thought she could manage that. Even now, she didn’t think she would sleep too much and certainly not heavy enough that she wouldn’t be able to wake herself in time to leave his bed and dorms without notice. A decision reached, she walked up the steps to his dorm and down the corridor identical to the girl’s dorm and turned into the room that would hopefully be the boys’ fifth-year dorm. She was relieved when she spotted Colin’s slumbering face in the bed nearest the door on the right. It _ was _his dorm. Tip-toeing over, Essie lifted Colin’s duvet just high enough to slip in beneath. She then got into her boyfriend’s bed and inched across it until she was pressed against his bony back. Colin didn’t react initially, seemingly still in the thick of sleep, but when Essie moved to wrap an arm around his middle and cling to him, his head lifted a little and his eyes parted just enough to make out her face. A slow, tired smile eased its way across his countenance and he stretched his neck so he could place a whisper of a kiss to the side of her brow.

“Hey,” he breathed.

Essie said nothing in favor of strengthening her grip on his middle.

Colin, as he often did, seemed to understand her completely. Laying his head back down, he relaxed into her hold and gave a long, tired sigh. “Bad dream?” he asked.

After a moment, she nodded against his back.

“I don’t blame you,” he replied. “After tonight’s excitement with Bones disappearance…” he trailed off. “I don’t even want to _ imagine _what state I’d be in if it were Dennis who hadn’t made it back to Hogwarts with me.”

Essie squeezed Colin tighter. 

In response, he made a little wheezing sound before one of his bigger, man-hands wrapped around one of her own and gently pried it away from his middle. Essie felt her heart thud when she felt warm lips brush over her palm. “Not so hard, Essie,” he whispered.

She nodded and he let her hand go, allowing her to place it back where she had it. This time, she made a conscious decision to let it lay limp. Colin seemed to appreciate it as soon his breath returned to its previous state of being soft, steady and rhythmic, as it had been when she crawled into his bed. As he held on and listened, Essie wished with tired, aching tears in the corners of her eyes she could fall asleep so easily still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darla didn't keep quiet! And Essie now has to witness the aftermath of that choice. Thoughts?
> 
> Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think with a comment and/or kudo!


	6. A Relentless Barage of Hurt

A week later, George Bones was still missing and so was his older brother. Not a soul knew where they were (maybe that wasn’t true, but no one had been able to get Darla to say anything) and only a few knew why they disappeared (like her, like Sev, like Harry). Susan had only become more of a wreck as time marched on and it was quite unbearable to watch. The talkative, outgoing girl Essies often played with as a little girl was nowhere to be seen. Essie knew she shouldn’t, but she eavesdropped on Susan’s mates and even worse it seemed she had stopped eating too. They were extremely afraid and horribly worried about her. None of them sounded as if they really knew what to do. Essie wondered why they didn’t go to Madam Pomfrey or the professor, but she also pondered, even more, perhaps, why none of the professors seemed to have noticed themselves. 

Sev she understood. He’d been distracted all year so far with whatever it was his unbreakable vow involved. The other professors, though? She didn’t know what their excuses could possibly be and she was starting to resent them for their seemingly deliberate obtuseness when it came to Susan. Essie wasn’t sure how much longer she could bear to stay silent in the face of her withering away. 

Of course she shouldn’t say anything she knew. It might only make things worse and she couldn’t handle that. She’d already caused  _ so much  _ trouble. Even if Harry said it wasn’t her fault and Sev had apologized  _ to her _ , Essie knew with absolutely no doubt that she held blame for some of this even if she’d brought it about in an unwitting fashion. 

Yet maybe… Maybe if Susan knew why her cousins had gone she could move on from this stagnation that had overcome her. Or perhaps it would make it worse. Essie didn’t know, but this silence, this idleness it was wrecking her too. She couldn’t sleep anymore. Colin had noticed too and he was constantly fretting over her, asking if she was all right or ill. A couple of days ago, she’d snapped at him for his hovering, her patience drained.

She’d felt awful afterward. Colin was being so good, so loving and she… She had been  _ hateful _ . Essie hadn’t liked it one bit. That wasn’t her. She wasn’t waspish or rude or prickly (Eileen was, Sev too). Essie wanted to see if telling wouldn’t fix her problem and make her more herself, more the girl that Colin had fallen for. Yet as much as she wanted to, she knew it would be selfish. Essie had been plenty of that this year and she didn’t think Eileen or Calliope would forgive her if she was even more and it came to bite their family in the arse like the last time.

As she and the rest of Hogwarts crested on two weeks since George disappeared, Essie went and sought out her older sister. It was actually rather tricky to do. Eileen liked routine and kept herself to a fairly strict schedule, but it seemed she had taken it out of order since classes started again after hols. Essie didn’t know if this was because she had her OWLs coming up this spring and had made study groups with her fellow fifth-years to prepare or because she didn’t want to see her, but she figured it out all the same and waited for the perfect moment to intercept her between the library and her dorms.

Watching Eileen walk briskly around a corner, Essie stepped out from where she was leaned against one of the corridor’s walls and in front of her sister. Eileen stopped, thankfully, though she didn’t look happy to do so. She was wearing a scowl reminiscent to one of Sev’s milder ones and she hitched the books in her hands higher up and hugged them a little tighter to her chest.

“To what do I owe this interruption?” she ground out through her teeth.

Essie did not let herself be deterred. “Can we talk?” she asked. “For just a little while?”

Eileen sighed and looked away. “Essie…”

“Please, Eileen, I can’t keep  _ this _ up,” she said hoping that Eileen would know what she was talking about from “this” alone.

Her sister’s frown turned even deeper and she looked Essie up and down. Her shoulders loosened and she let her books slide down a little to rest against her stomach. “Fine,” said Eileen. She stepped forward and juggled her texts to one arm and used her now free hand to snag Essie by her wrist and pulled her into a nearby classroom. Once inside, she let go of Essie and pulled out her wand. A couple of murmured enchantments later, Eileen appeared satisfied they would not be eavesdropped on and sat down at one desk. She gestured sharply for Essie to sit too in the one beside her as soon as she settled. Essie scrambled to heed her command. Once she was properly seated, she turned her eyes on Eileen and stared at her sister. Essie was always felt surprised for some reason when truly looked at Eileen. Subconsciously, Essie traced the shape of her nose. All of them had the Snape nose to a degree, Severus, herself, Calliope, and Darla, except for Eileen (and Lottie when she’d been alive). Even though so much of her, from the frowns she directed at Essie, to the way she talked, always screamed  _ Sev _ at her, she really looked like quite like Edie. Sometimes Essie felt a little jealous because their mum was actually quite pretty — even with her burn scar — and Sev was…  _ not.  _ Essie felt a pout pull at her lower lip. She always thought it rather unfair she had to look quite a lot like Sev, but lack his finer qualities. Namely his ability to move around unnoticed and learn things that no one else did.

“Essie!” Eileen growled, having grown annoyed with her silence.

She fought down the embarrassed flush that wanted to rise over her cheeks. “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to—”

“—Tell me why you needed to talk with me about what’s going on with Susan,” Eileen cut in over Essie’s apology. Shifting in her seat, her sister crossed her legs and clasped her hands to rest them on her knee. “I don’t have all day,” she said. “Marcus Belby is going to be tutoring me in charms in half an hour.”

Essie frowned. “Charms? But that’s always been a class you aced…”

Eileen looked away. “Yes, well,” she replied, “who am I to turn away help with OWLs so near?”

She nodded in response, though, she was confused and a little voice in the back of her head something more was going on. Essie did not have time to prod that out of Eileen today, however. She needed to come up with some kind of plan for what to do with Susan. Deciding to come right out with it, she asked, “Do you think we should tell her? Not everything, of course! But just that we know from Darla he and Stephen are likely off planning the murders of the Death Eaters who killed their parents?”

Eileen scoffed at Essie. “You don’t think she  _ knows  _ that already, Essie? Come on, I know things have been… difficult… but you cannot be truly this stupid. Essie, Susan and George? They are like  _ us _ .”

She started to open her mouth to ask Eileen what that was supposed to mean, but her sister didn’t give her the chance.

“They are siblings in all the ways that count, Essie. They know all of each other from how they used to eat their scabs to the sound of their footsteps on wooden floorboards to their most fervent wish.” Eileen’s blue gaze was dark as the middle of the ocean as she whispered, “Susan knows perfectly well where George and Stephen have gone off to even if she does not know where they are now. It is why she is in such a state, she fears they will stay missing for forever and no one else will ever know what happened to them. That the men who killed their parents got them too.”

Essie gaped at Eileen, disbelieving at first. Surely they couldn’t be just like them. The type of secrecy everyone in the Snape family lived and breathed… It was just them, wasn’t it? Yet the more she turned over this revelation in her mind, the more she realized that Eileen was right. The Bones may not have a spy-father or a mother who guarded her past like Grindlewald in Nurmengard, but they had their own pasts, their own histories, that had shaped them and then shaped her mates, Susan, George, and Stephen.

“What can I do then?” she whispered.

Eileen sighed and reached over to pat Essie’s knee. “You’re so kind Essie. When you see Susan, just ask if she would like a hug. I think she would appreciate that the most right now.”

Essie bit her lip and met her sister’s gaze. “You really think so? That’s all she needs?”

Her sister pursed her lips. “From  _ you _ , yes,” she answered.

Essie wondered if she should feel insulted by that remark, but couldn’t bring herself to. Instead, she was just happy to have some direction, to know what her role was in all of this and how to act in the face of this unfolding tragedy. She could handle hugging Susan, perhaps telling her if she needed another she would happily give it any time and any place. Smiling, she put her hand atop Eileen’s and said, “Thank you.”

Her sister almost smirked at her. “Of course,” she said. “I’m just glad you’ve finally seen the error of asking advice from Darla and Harry. I adore them both, but they are trouble-makers.”

Essie frowned. “I don’t know if I’d categorize Harry as a trouble-maker.”

“What else would you call someone who often finds himself in hot water?” Eileen asked eyebrow raised.

Essie wanted to argue, but acquiesced with grudging reluctance. “A trouble-maker,” she answered.

This time, Eileen did smirk at her. Getting to her feet, her sister passed Essie. She brushed a hand across her shoulder as she left, saying, “I will see you around, Essie.”

Essie turned her head and smiled at Eileen’s retreating back. “Bye!” she called, feeling much lighter than when she’d first come into this classroom.

-o-O-o-

“Colin!” Essie said between laughter as her boyfriend pulled her between pillars lining the corridor they had been strolling through on their way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Colin grinned at her once they were hidden from view and lowered his hands from where they’d taken her by her shoulders to down by her hips. 

His fingers quickly found their way beneath her shirt and pressed into her flesh above the waistband of her skirt. “You look really smashing today,” he said to Essie, fingers dancing upward toward her breast before coming back down again. 

Essie felt her heart start to thunder and smiled, abash at the compliment. She certainly didn’t  _ feel  _ pretty. Even after taking Eileen’s advice and hugging Susan and letting her know she was there for her if she needed someone to talk to, she still wasn’t sleeping particularly well. She was just too worried for the Bones boys, for Sev, for the rest of her family and the whole world too. Essie knew the result of her restless sleep was wan skin and puffy eyes. She also knew it’d meant the parts of her appearance she could control had taken a bit of a hit too. Even though it made her hair look stringy and gross, she was skipping her typical evening showers every couple of days to go to bed earlier and, hopefully, get some extra sleep. So far her efforts weren’t amounting to much at all.

In spite of her feelings, she still reciprocated Colin’s affection. Lifting her arms and hooking them around Colin’s neck, she said, “Mm, really?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, pressing closer to her and capturing her mouth with his own. 

Melting into the warmth of his kiss, she sighed contentedly which he used to slip his tongue past her chapped lips. As their kiss deepened, Colin’s fingers stopped running up and down her sides in favor sliding to her back where they undid the clasp of her bra. “Mph,” she complained trying to pull back and ask what he was doing.

“Shh,” Colin whispered into her mouth. “Most everyone’s not even  _ up  _ yet,” he said. “No one’s going to notice if we snog a bit.”

Essie didn’t feel quite so confident no one would pass by and notice, but as Colin’s hands moved back to her front she relented, enjoying the caresses of his fingers on her sensitive skin. She knew Sev had found students doing worse in the corridors and felt a little less unsure. They weren’t going to do much more than this, that much she was sure of. It wasn’t as if they’d gone past some very involved petting in private yet. Soon Essie was leaning into his touch and she moved her own hands down Colin’s body to squeeze and feel his lovely arse. Their kissing only became deeper as time wore on and she stumbled a little as Colin pulled them half behind a column to hide what they were doing a little more. It was fun and really, really amazing for a while, but then Essie heard the sound of some girls talking. Sense of hearing heightened in case her and Colin needed to come to an abrupt stop, she heard one say in a dejected tone:

“…Susan.”

Another, one Essie thought she recognized from classes (a yearmate then?), replied to the first, “I wonder if she’ll come back to Hogwarts after this? Abbott’s father pulled her out entirely after what happened to her mother.”

Essie’s previously warm body went dead cold. Ending her kiss with Colin, Essie didn’t even bother to re-clasp her bra or straighten herself out before she rushed out from behind the pillars and right in front of the girls she’d heard talking. They were fellow fourth years, and Hufflpeuffs, Laura Madley and Eleanor Branstone. “Susan’s left school?” she said, breathless.

The two wore expressions of surprise. If it was from her sudden appearance or her actual appearance, Essie did not know and did not care. Right now she just wanted to know what was going on with her friends. Stepping closer to the mates, she asked, “Please, tell me what’s happened?”

Madley tilted her head toward Branstone, her black plait slipping off her shoulder in the process, and whispered, “She’ll hear soon enough anyway…”

Branstone nodded her head, auburn fringe flopping in front of her eyes. “Walk with us, Snape,” she said.

Essie quickly fell into step with the girls and listened with rapt, horrified attention as what scant information they knew was passed along to her. By the time they reached the Great Hall Essie felt her worst nightmare had come true. For her stupidity, a life had been lost. Another was irrevocably maimed and dozens more were changed forever.

-o-O-o-

Edie was behind Essie and Eileen walked next to her with Calliope in the front of the three of them as they moved soundlessly through the corridors of St. Mungos in the direction of the hospital room where their family friend was recuperating from his injury. Essie didn’t know what to do with her hands and kept clenching and unclenching them at her sides. Glancing down at the top of Calliope’s blonde head she wished she’d thought to make a card like her little sister. Perhaps her hands wouldn’t feel so useless then. 

Essie next glanced at Eileen and saw her eyes were jumping from room number to room number as they walked. Her form was growing tenser by the moment as they got closer to the number they would be stopping at. Casting a quick look over her shoulder, she saw Edie was wearing a blank expression. She wondered if her mum hadn’t taken a Calming Draught before they left Hogwarts. Perhaps she had. Edie had never known the Bones boys as well as they, but she still cared for them. She watched them grow up. Finally, they reached the room. The door was closed. Essie bit her lip when Calliope looked back at her with red-rimmed eyes, questioning them if she should open the door.

“Knock,” Edie croaked.

Calliope headed their mum. A long moment later the door opened to reveal a disheveled Darla.

“Oh,” Darla said at the sight of them. She poked her head out of the room altogether and looked down the corridor. “Sev?” she asked.

“At Hogwarts,” Eileen replied. “He… Wasn’t sure the Bones would want to see him.”

Darla nodded and pushed the door all the way open, allowing them entry into the cramped hospital room. Even with extension charms on it, it felt like a squeeze for them all to filter in and fill the seats around the bed. Once she was sitting down in a chair in the back corner of the room, Essie glanced up from her lap to see that Darla had gone and taken a seat on the right side of the bed next to Susan. Susan had her feet on her chair with her knees drawn to her chest. Her cheeks looked almost hollowed and her hair, though it was clean, appeared even duller than it had three days ago. Essie wondered if she’d eaten at all since she heard the news about her brothers Thursday morning. Somehow, she doubted. Not that Essie blamed her, or her parents, for her not doing so. With the grief they were going through, some things were just going to fall to the wayside. She started to glance around the room, looking for Susan’s parents and quickly realized they weren’t there. “Mr. and Mr.s…?” she called across the room to her aunt.

Darla sighed. “Mr. Bones has taken Mrs. Bone home to rest for a few hours,” she explained. “He’ll be back soon.”

“And you’re here now because…?”

Her aunt flashed her an expression of vexation. “Because Stephen was my goddamn mate, Esther and the least I can do for the Bones is fucking sit here with Susan and George while Mr. and Mrs. Bones can’t be.”

She flinched back violently at the harsh words. She was even going to start crying and apologize, but she was stopped by a hand on her knee. She looked down to see it was Edie’s. Trailing her gaze up from her mum’s hand to her face she saw that Edie’s eyes had gone that cold, stone gray they did when she was an edge away from rage. “Mind yer tongue,” she rebuked Darla. "Essie doesn't deserve ter be spoken ter tha' way."  


Darla blinked at Edie before she scoffed and tossed her face away from them and fixed her gaze on George. She had been avoiding it, but Essie finally turned her attention to the boy laid in the bed. His hands rested on top of the hospital white sheet covering him and they were a mottled purple and blue with some scabbed over gashes too. Inch by inch Essie let her eyes flow up toward George’s face. When it finally landed there she bit back a gasp. Much like his hands, his face was a myriad of colors, but what truly unsettled her was the thick white bandage wrapped around the left side of his head. Essie had heard he’d lost his eyes to a curse and there was no way to fix it. From now on he would be half-blind. Guilt burned her inside and she wrapped her arms around her middle in an effort to offer herself some small comfort. 

At least he was alive, she told herself. 

Stephen had  _ died  _ giving George the chance to escape Pyrites. From what she’d been able to put together from what the students had been told at Hogwarts and the little she’d overheard while eavesdropping on her parents was that, the brothers had spent a week planning their ambush and murder of Pyrites after George didn’t get on the train. However, during that time, it’d gotten out to Pyrites somehow that George had disappeared and Stephen was missing too. It seemed the Death-Eater had known exactly what that meant and prepared himself for the confrontation with George and Stephen. When it happened, he’d gotten the upper-hand on the two and captured them. After that, he’d taken the brothers to some cellar-turned-dungeon and tortured them for his own amusement for almost two whole weeks before Stephen finally figured out a way for him and George to escape. Unfortunately, that had gone wrong too (or had it? Edie had said something that made Essie think Stephen had purposefully sacrificed his own life for George’s) and only the younger Bones made it out alive.

Essie’s eyes started to sting and she blinked rapidly in an attempt to hold her tears at bay. She didn’t deserve to cry. Essie didn’t have a dead brother or missing eye or two weeks-worth of trauma from being tortured. Essie could pretend no longer to believe Harry, she’d done this to George! 

“He’s waking,” Calliope whispered into the silence of the room. To prove her right, George’s fingers twitched and then his good eye opened into a slit. As he became more aware, his eye grew wider and started to scan over each of them. Finally, when he turned his head a little, he saw Calliope on his left.

Unlike her, Essie’s little sister didn’t stop her tears. Eyes pouring, she said between sniffles, “I made you a card, George.”

He began to cough and Susan quickly got up to offer him a drink from a cup on the nightstand next to his bed. Gratefully, he accepted the drink. After several long sips, he returned his attention to Calliope and said, “Lemme see.”

Essie watched her little sister reach behind herself and pull out a piece of folded parchment. It was decorated with stars and bludgers and turtles. In big, loopy orange letters, it read: “Get Better George!” After he’d seen the front, Calliope opened it and showed him the inside. 

George’s good eye began to tear up.

Calliope, distressed, looked from the card to George to the rest of them. “Is it bad? I made sure only to put your favorite things on the card so it couldn’t make you sadder!”

“No, no,” he reassured her as he lifted a hand to take the card from her unresisting fingers. “It’s just really nice. In fact, I think it’s  _ the  _ nicest card I’ve gotten.”

Calliope relaxed a little and said, “It’s like I said in my card, I love you. You’re one of my favorite wizards ever. I’m really, truly sorry you don’t have Stephen anymore and I’m sorry he can’t be here and help you feel better when you’re so sad and hurt. I know what it’s like not to have your older sibling when you only want them with you, but I hope the rest of us can still make you feel a little less sad even if we’re not Stephen. I hope we’ll help you feel a little less sad every day and, someday, you might even feel happy again.”

“Calliope,” Edie murmured, voice choked beside Essie.

Essie wanted to talk too, moved by her sister’s gentle message. Yet she knew she wouldn’t be able to say one word without sobbing. The last thing she wanted was to do that. To draw the attention of George to her. She feared if she did George would become upset with her. What right did she have to cry over Stephen’s death when everything that had happened was because of her?

Abruptly, all of their attention was drawn away from George and Calliope when Darla shot to her feet and darted off to the adjacent loo where they could hear her being sick behind the half-closed door. Essie frowned and worried if Darla was ill. If she was, she should be at home sleeping. George was weak enough as it was, he didn't need to be getting ill on top of his existing ailments. For the first time since they came into the room, Susan looked at all of them. Her eyes were solemn as she informed them, "That's the third time she's been sick today. She threw up a few times yesterday afternoon too."

Edie's breathing hitched and Essie looked at her mum. She frowned, confused at her wide-eyed expression. What did it mean? Did Edie look so shocked because she didn't expect Darla to have been ill this long? Or that she would keep vigil over George while she was being sick so frequently? Or… Did she think something else was at play with her aunt?

What did this extended illness mean for their family?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the Bones have lost their lives :( Thoughts about what's up with Darla?
> 
> Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think with a comment and/or kudo!


	7. A Trail of Broken Hearts

Severus’s whole body jerked at the news and his hand, which he had been using to write a report, ran off his parchment, creating a jagged line from his half-finished sentence to the edge of the paper. He looked up at Edie, who had her arms crossed and wore an uncomfortable expression. Disbelieving, he said, “Pregnant?”

“It seems likely,” she replied looking away. A frown quirked at the corners of her mouth as she explained, “She still has ter take a pregnancy potion.”

Severus groaned and put his head in his hands. Scrubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, he grumbled, “Merlin, Darla…”

“Wha’ now?” asked Edie.

He peeked at his wife through his fingers. _ What now_? Why was she asking him? He wasn’t the one who’d gotten himself up the bloody duff who the Hell knew how. Irritated, he demanded, “What do you mean?”

Edie huffed at him, clearly just as annoyed with him as he was with her at the moment. Drawing her wand, she summoned one of the office’s unoccupied chairs to come next to his desk and sat down. Crossing her legs, she looked at him, eyebrows high on her forehead. “Surely we need ter bring her home?” she said.

He gave a resolute shake of his head. “Absolutely not,” replied Severus. For one, Darla was still upset with him and Edie, he was quite sure any kind of convincing on his part would only turn his little sister mulish and she would _ never _come home (which was the last thing he wanted. Some days, he felt death was breathing down his neck and he feared he would not get the chance to reconcile with Darla before it finally claimed him). For two, the Bones boy recovery and the whole incident itself had stirred up some contention among Death Eaters and Severus was a strong focal point of it. He was just barely keeping himself from being pinned with the causation of it all.

“Sev’rus, she’s in no place ter be doin’ this on her own,” Edie insisted, drawing him out of his thoughts. He looked at his wife. She was leaning forward, eyes more liquid gold than anything and pleading.

“She’s denounced us,” he reminded her in a soft voice. Reaching across his desk, he reached out and took one of Edie’s small hands in his own. “For her safety, for this child’s, she must keep to this conviction,” he told her.

Edie’s face twisted and he knew she understood there was much more behind his conviction than he’d yet explained.“Wha’s goin’ on?” she asked sounding both afraid and worried.

Severus softened his gaze and strengthened his grip on her hand, hoping it would encourage her to understand the seriousness of the spot he’d found himself in, their family’s precarious position in all of it. “I had to say something, Edie,” he said, “Pyrites, others… They wanted to know how it was those Bones boys knew it was him who had a hand in their parents’ deaths. The number of witches and wizards who knew it was him aren’t… _ small_, I admit. Pyrites was always something of a braggart, but those who are now alive and free? _ That _number is small. Before he or anyone else could come up with a theory of their own that put me in a poor light, I decided to come forward and take control of the narrative.” 

Severus paused to look down at his and Edie’s hand. She had yet to struggle against his likely painful hold or break free altogether. He sighed softly to himself. Severus hoped Darla would understand, that the girls would when it all came to light. He loved _ all _ of them. Lottie had taught him while losing Lily had been nothing short of excruciating, a daughter was like losing a limb. You would go to use it one moment only to realize in the next you could not and you would be reminded of the absence and your grief renewed. Severus knew if Darla were to die for this he, Edie, and the girls would be broken anew, but if it were one of his children… Severus feared for what would come of Edie. She’d hardly survived Lottie’s loss. What would Eileen’s death do? Calliope and Essie’s? All three? The very imagining struck him immobile with terror.

He looked up, meeting Edie’s horrified gaze. “I spoke up and alluded to Darla breaking into my office and helping herself to my memories,” he admitted. “I said it was entirely possible she saw the incident and told the Bones children. I said in spite of all my discouragement, they’d become friends during their school days and stayed such through the years. I informed them of Darla’s infuriating wilfulness and how easily she can be misguided and lamented on how I wish I’d learned earlier one needed to use a hard hex now and again on their child before she was too grown for me to control like our daughters.”

Edie for far too long a beat was utterly silent in her shock. Finally, when she could speak again, she cried, “Yeh didn’t Sev’rus Snape! They’ll want her head on a platter!”

Severus shook his head. He had known when he opened his mouth to weave his tale it would be a gamble, but he’d gone in certain he could manipulate things to his benefit. The fact he was right was a bitter victory, unfortunately. “No, not now,” he said. “I’ve managed to convince them,” he paused for a brief moment, mouth curling with a sneer. “No, the _ Lord _ I will deal with this stain to my family’s line and reign in the rest of the girls.”

So very pale, Edie whispered, “Wha’ does that look like?”

He finally let go of Edie’s hand and leaned back in his chair. Tired, but not yet done, he began to rub his temples. “I have already spoken with Albus, he’s already sent out people to warn her and offer her protection. The girls will need to be spoken to, of course, things explained to them.” Severus let his hand slide down his face to cover his mouth briefly. Looking away, he said, voice hoarse, “I… I do not think things will improve at Hogwarts any time soon, either.” He glanced at Edie whose complexion had turned completely bloodless and now had a quivering lower lip. “I wish to send Calliope away,” he whispered, “she would be safe and well cared for with the Mulpeppers, I think.”

His wife shot to her feet at this. “No, Sev’rus! She’s a lil’girl.”

A fresh wave of energy taking him, Severus got to his feet and slammed his hands on his desk, causing it to rattle from his force. “That is precisely why I wish her away from the horrors to come!” he said. “We cannot protect Eileen or Essie, but Calliope…” he trailed off. His mind’s eye conjured a picture of his youngest. It was how he saw her just this morning at their quarter’s breakfast table. She’d been in her hand-me-down nightie from Eileen. Eileen had always had a taste for pastels and it’d been a soft lavender with little heart-shaped buttons going down the front. Her blonde hair, a strong reminder of Darla’s coloring from when she’d been that age, done up in two rumpled plaits. Calliope had _ smiled _at him when she saw him taking his tea at the table with Edie and the sleepy flush of her cheeks deepened as she sat down to help herself to the eggs and sausage available to her. 

She had said, “_You’re having breakfast with us_!” Like it was a treat, a delight, to have her old father sit down to share a meal with her. The innocence of her joy… Severus refused to see all it ruined in one fell swoop. From what was going to come next to Hogwarts.

Voice soft, hardly more than a murmur, he said to Edie, “No one will question her absence. She is still so young and inconsequential to those who might care. This may be our only chance to shield what of her innocence remains.”

Tears began to spill from his wife’s eyes. “I don’t wan’ her away from me,” she warbled.

He looked down, shoulders stooping around his ears. The guilt of his decision was bearing down on him like the sky on Atlas’s shoulders. He almost laughed, reminded of how it had been his daughters’ obsession with Mythology of the world that eventually lead to him crossing the name Calliope in a Greek legend he read Eileen, Lottie, and Essie one night as a bedtime story. It had been a bit of a row with Edie to convince her to name their last such an unusual name after giving their other daughters more traditional names, but he’d won it with the compromise of letting Jane be her middle name and one she could fall back on being called if she did not like Calliope as she grew up. 

“I know,” he said. Still refusing to look at his wife, he clenched his hands into loose fists and told her, “I hope someday you will be able to forgive me for this.” 

Edie continued to cry, the sound muffled by her hands as she got herself under control. When she was able to speak once more, she did not give him her forgiveness, but asked instead, “Would anyone notice if I went with her? Just fer the firs’ few days? Ter help her settle in?”

“It would not bring much attention, no,” he said chancing a look up at his wife. Her eyes were puffy and expression upset, but not cross. Moving around his desk he offered his open arms to her. To his relief, she did not snub his gesture, but stepped into them and wrapped her own arms around his waist as he locked his around the small of her back. Resting his chin atop her head he murmured, “Oh Edie… This is all my fault. I wish I had realized Harry would not keep a secret from our girls, even one such as my Pensieve.”

“No, Sev’rus, don’t blame yerself. They all should o’ known better,” Edie whispered into his chest. Her voice laced with anger, she added, “Especially Darla.”

He held her tighter and exhaled. He’d felt the same as his wife. “How I wish that were true,” he said.

Edie lifted her face to him, eyes searching. “Sev?” she said.

“Hm?”

Edie lifted herself higher on her toes and placed a chaste kiss to his lips. “I love yeh.”

Severus felt some of the tension in his shoulders fade and a bit of warmth flow through his otherwise cold body. The faintest smile beginning at the corners of his lips, he said, “How, I don’t understand. But I love you as well.”

-o-O-o-

Sitting on their family’s sofa next to Eileen, Essie looked around the room for her youngest sister. She did not find her. Turning her gaze on her standing parents, she asked, “Where’s Calliope?”

“Packing,” said Sev.

Essie frowned, confused. Why would her little sister be doing that? Would _ she _have to as well? Stomach-churning at the thought, she asked, “Packing? For what?”

Edie and Sev shared a glance before her mum said, “She is going to stay with the Mulpeppers for a while.”

Alarmed by the news, Essie cried, “What! Why?”

“Given current developments, it is in your sister’s best interest she not be here,” explained Sev, putting his hands behind his back and beginning to pace the length of the lounge room.

She turned to her mum and demanded, now upset, “Edie, are you really letting Sev send away our sister?”

“I trust yer father’s judgment,” she answered, eyes flashing a steely silver as she spoke.

Essie scowled and turned to her sister who was pale, but otherwise expressionless. Jabbing her with an elbow, she demanded, indignant, “Eileen, can you believe this?”

Her sister turned her head, eyes flashing a dangerous, hot blue she hissed, “Shut up, Esther.”

“Eileen,” Edie rebuked, drawing her sister’s frightening, angry eyes away from her.

“Perhaps instead of letting yourself get worked up, you will allow me to explain, Essie?” Sev asked, stopping in his pacing to look at her. His eyes were little better to look at than Eileen’s. 

“I… Yes, okay,” she agreed, now meek.

He nodded. “Thank you,” said Sev. Her dad’s shoulders raised and lowered minutely before he explained, “With George Bones’s reappearance and… other events… It has become clear we are going to be under very critical scrutiny in the near future. You will both have to watch your words with extreme care and take special note of who you socialize with.”

As Essie was trying to figure out what the true meaning of Sev’s warning from what was said and _not _said, Eileen, ever the most clever of them, questioned, “Are you saying to stay away from Muggle-borns?”

Essie blinked, stunned at the question. He couldn’t mean _ that_, could he? Darla, Harry, Eileen… They’d been telling her that Sev wasn’t like that anymore, but if he was asking them to not associate with Muggle-borns, did that mean they were wrong? Essie was pulled out of her internal turmoil when Sev said:

“I am saying times are precarious and for our whole family’s safety the more asocial you two become the better our family will survive it.”

“You… You don’t want us being mates with _ anyone_?” Essie asked after a moment, incredulous. If it was possible, that sounded even worse to her ears than him just asking they refrain from being in the company of Muggle-borns.

Sev’s gaze snapped to her. “I wish for you to be careful,” he said in a forceful, accusing tone.

Essie couldn’t pin-point why or how, but her dad’s tone shook something loose in her and she burst into tears.

Edie wasted no time in joining her on the sofa and pulling Essie into her arms. Her hands were gentle as she threaded them through her hair and mumbled into her ear, “Oh, oh my swee’. Shh…” As her cries quieted a little, Edie tried to console her by saying, “Even if yeh must take care, yeh’ll have each other.”

Now understanding where her sudden despair had come from, Essie wailed, “That’s not why I’m crying!”

“Then wha’ is wrong, my swee’?” Edie asked, fingers still combing through her hair.

Essie hesitated, but Eileen didn’t. Voice cutting through her sniffling, she said, “She’s seeing Colin Creevey.”

“Wha’?” Edie gasped, hand stopping its ministrations as Sev growled:

“_Creevey_?”

Essie didn’t have the foggiest idea how Eileen knew when she was very careful to not be too couple-y with Colin around family, but she felt panic bloom in her chest and defended herself, voice shrill, “I was going to tell you! But there never was a moment that felt right and now!”

Her mum sighed. “Oh, Esther…”

Sev, though, was not soft or understanding in his response. Striding toward her, he jammed a finger in her face and snarled, “You tell that boy immediately you are finished! Esther Jonquil Snape your aunt has gotten our family in enough trouble telling the Bones boys what she witnessed in my Pensieve. If you bring our family under any more doubt I will have to disown you before you have us all marked with targets on our backs!”

“Sev’rus!” Edie rebuked, pulling Essie tight against her once again as she began to shake with terror. It wasn’t the first time Sev had spoken to her in such a rageful manner before, but it was frightening nonetheless.

Essie’s dad turned his anger on Edie and roared, “No, Edie! I have just saved us by the skin of our teeth and it may still not be enough to save Darla! I will _ not _have you or our daughters murdered because one decided to be such a — a dunderhead during times like these!”

To Essie’s surprise, Eileen jumped between Sev, herself and Edie. Face scarlet, she screamed, “She didn’t know! How could she? You only deign to tell us anything when it suits you.” Voice falling to a glacial hiss, she jutted her face up, going nearly nose to nose with Sev as she said, “You still haven’t said a word about the Unbreakable Vow you’ve taken.”

Severus appeared taken aback. “Who told you about it?” he demanded.

Eileen laughed unkindly and flipped the plait she had her hair in over her shoulder. “What does it matter?” she said, “it’s just one piece of proof upon dozens of others that we aren’t worthy of any kind of honesty in your eyes.”

Face contorted with fury, Sev growled, “You have _ no concept _of what my role in this war entails!”

Refusing to be cowed, Eileen yelled, “Who’s fault is that!”

Black eyes almost alight with hellfire, Severus spun away from them, swearing. “I _ will _murder Darla!” he shouted at the room.

Edie, ever the calm to Sev’s storm, called, “Sev’rus.”

He turned back around and gestured first at Eileen and then at her. “Do you see what she has done? I have treated her as an adult, an equal and she tells our _ daughters _about matters no children should be involved in!”

Essie felt the arms around her fall away and her mum got to her feet. As if she were approaching a particularly skittish familiar instead of their raging dad, she said softly, “Sev’rus, Sev’rus, my love.” She lifted her arms and whispered, “Come.” The anger began to bleed away from his face and a brokeness replaced it. Edie crossed the space between them and wrapped herself around Sev, holding him together. “Our daughters… They aren’t children,” she murmured. “Not anymore, not in these times. We must tell them.”

“Edie…” he protested.

Their mum pulled back from Sev and said, much more forcefully, “Tell. Them.”

He sighed. “Very well,” said Sev. Turning to them, he gestured for them to rise and said, “Eileen, Esther, come to me.” After a shared glance, they walked over to their dad’s side and let him put his hands on their shoulders. He met both their gazes as he told them, “I have taken an Unbreakable Vow. I have vowed to help Draco Malfoy in his task of killing Albus Dumbledore.” He paused then as Essie gasped her surprise. When she was done, he continued, “Truthfully, no one expects that the boy will manage it. Instead, I will be the one to murder him.”

Eileen, next to her, whispered a patent denial. “_No_.”

As for Essie, she began to shake anew. “You’re lying!” she accused. “This isn’t real.”

Their dad frowned and his grip strengthened, causing Essie to wince.“You wanted the truth and you have been given it. Now you accuse me of lying?” he grumbled.

“Why have you agreed to this?” asked Eileen and Essie found herself nodding, also wanting an answer.

He let them go and sighed. “The headmaster is dying as it is. I am simply… hastening the process, offering what protection I can to Malfoy, one of my students.” Essie’s dad seemed pained as he admitted to them, “It is what Albus wants. He would rather die by my hand than another’s or the illness. Especially if it will save Malfoy and other students more hardships.” He lifted his hands, palms facing up as he said, “Truthfully, I am unsure if it will save him and others from much pain at all.”

Essie couldn’t help but agree. Swallowing around the lump in her throat, she croaked, “I’m sorry, Sev.”

He looked at her. His eyes were loving as he reached out and laid a hand on her cheek. “You have nothing to apologize for, Essie,” he said.

She was going to say more, argue, maybe, but Calliope, dressed in a thick outer robe, appeared at the mouth of the lounge room, dragging a battered trunk behind her. “I’m ready,” she said sounding peeved.

“Excellent, come say goodbye to your sisters,” Sev said turning to her.

Essie bit the inside of her cheek. They would never speak of the Unbreakable Vow again or how Severus was to kill the Headmaster she knew then. Conversations did not flow in the Snape family. They had a beginning, middle, and end and Calliope’s appearance had finished this one.

-O-

After a very emotional goodbye with their little sister, Essie and Eileen walked together down Hogwarts corridors toward their respective dorms. Soon, they would split apart, but for the moment, they were together. Essie glanced at her sister. Eileen stared straight ahead like she wasn’t even there beside her and Essie felt terribly lonely. Soon, the only one she would be able to safely speak and be with on a regular basis would be Eileen, but her sister still behaved as if she’d rather Essie didn’t exist.

“Will you break up with him tonight?” asked her sister, startling Essie.

She stumbled over her feet and might have even fallen if Eileen hadn’t grabbed her elbow and steadied her just as she lost her balance. Looking up at her sister, she saw there was pity in her gaze.

Essie felt both humiliated and angry. Pulling away from Eileen with more force than probably necessary, she grumbled, “What other choice do I have?”

Eileen gave a small shrug of her shoulders. “I just was curious,” she said. “I thought perhaps you might try to make it work in spite of Sev’s demand. Gryffindors are brave and often…” She pursed her lips. “Foolhardy,” she concluded.

“I know everyone thinks I’m the dumb one,” she ground out, “but I’m _ not _.” Curling her hands into fists, she told Eileen, “I know that it’s just as much for his safety as it is for mine I have to break up with him.”

Eileen nodded, the pity in her eyes never wavering. “What will you tell him?”

“That Sev found out and said to, I guess,” she replied. It was basically the truth, she reasoned and while Colin might not like it or understand entirely, he would accept it. He would have to, there was simply no other option.

“I’m so sorry, Essie,” Eileen whispered.

She frowned, confused. “Why?” she asked. “Really, this is all my own fault. I shouldn’t have gone and looked in Sev’s Pensieve.”

Eileen sighed. “You’re right this is your fault,” she said. Essie felt her mouth fall open, surprised. No one had said that to her before, not Sev, not Harry, Darla, _ anyone_. But Eileen—

Her reeling thoughts were brought to a halt when Eileen placed a hand on her cheek. Staring at her sister’s sad, pitying face she was reminded of how Sev touched her cheek the same way not half an hour ago. “I am sorry because this will _ hurt _ you and I know you’re already in so much pain,” Eileen explained. Her thumb reached up and brushed beneath her eye. It was then she realized she was crying. Eileen leaned forward and stood on her toes to press a kiss to her forehead. “I love you, Essie,” she said. “When it’s over, come see me. You can sleep with me. No will say anything, I promise.”

Essie was left in stunned silence as her sister let her hand fall away and watched as she walked away, disappearing down the corridor that would take her to Ravenclaw’s tower. Left alone, Essie scarcely breathed for a few minutes before she began in the direction of Gryffindor’s tower.

-O-

In preparation for their break-up, Essie brought Colin to an unused classroom not far from Ravenclaw’s tower. For their first few minutes in the room, she let Colin kiss and touch her and she returned his affection with twice the intensity. This could be the last time she was able to kiss Colin ever. Finally, though, she forced them apart and slithered out from under him to go and sit on a desk next to the one they’d been snogging on. Colin, confused, frowned at her.

“Essie?” he said. “Is something the matter?” he asked. “Did I… Was I doing something you didn’t like? I’m sorry.”

She breathed in and out and pushed away the tears she felt burning the backs of her eyes. “No, no,” she assured him, even offering a weak smile. Sighing, she looked at him and said, “Colin? We’re…” she trailed off and bit her lip. Her voice not even a whisper, she told him, "We can’t do this anymore.”

His jaw dropped and there were several shocked moments of silence before he sputtered, “What?”

Bringing her knees up to her chest, Essie squeezed them tightly, digging them into her chest hard enough to hurt. “I’m sorry,” she said in a shaky voice. Looking at him, she cried, angry, “I don’t want this! I finally told Sev and he said—”

Colin cut her off. Voice raised, he said, “—You’re breaking up with me because your dad said so?”

Essie buried her face in her knees. “What choice do I have? He’s _ here_,” she mumbled.

There was another bout of silence from Colin and when she finally lifted her gaze from her knees, she found Colin had come to stand right in front of her. There was a strange expression on his face as he looked down at her and asked, “Is it because I’m a Muggle-born?”

“Why would you think that?” demanded Essie, incredulous and fear spiking in her heart. The answer was yes, but also it was no (or at least she hoped so). Jabbing a finger in his chest, she told Colin, “No! It’s because he loathes you for what _ you’ve _done.”

He didn’t seem appeased by her answer and just looked away, scowling. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he said, “There have always been rumors.” He glanced at her, seemingly trying to convey something as he added, “Even more this year.” Finally, Colin sighed and brought one of his hands up to tousle his blond hair. “Bloody Hell. Really? He _ loathes _me? How is he allowed to be a professor if he goes around hating students?”

She frowned. Essie really didn’t know why her dad was a professor a lot of the time. He didn’t like it, that much was clear to her, but it wasn’t as if he was the only one at Hogwarts who didn’t enjoy his job or the students. Defensively, she said, “Filch hates _ all _children yet this still let him work here at Hogwarts as its caretaker.”

A thoughtful furrow came between Colin’s fine brows before he deliberately shook his head. “Essie, we’re losing focus,” he said. Putting out both his hands in a beseeching manner, he told Essie, “I really, really fancy you. I don’t want to break up with you. Isn’t there something we can do?” He took hold of her hands and gave her a pleading frown. “We could just be together in Gryffindor tower! I’ll be cross and upset with you all you want throughout the rest of the school, but, please, I don’t want to lose you.”

Essie wanted to say yes. She wanted to kiss away the sadness on Colin’s face and promise she would never make him feel like this again, but she knew she couldn’t. She wasn’t just breaking up with Colin for her safety, but his too. “I want to be with you too,” she said. Hope started to come alive in his eyes and Essie hurried to squash it before it could become a full inferno. “We can’t, though,” she told him as she took her hands back and crossed her arms. “It’s just not possible. While we’re students at Hogwarts where my dad’s a professor…” Essie sighed. “It just isn’t possible. I’m half afraid he’ll have me transferred me to Durmstrang if I don’t break things off.” She bit her lip as an idea came to her. Surely things wouldn’t always be like this, right? Someday it would be safe to date whoever she wanted again, wouldn’t it? Essie decided that, yes, someday there would be a day like that. With this in mind, she offered Colin a feather of hope. “If you haven’t found a better girl who isn’t afraid of what her dad might say or do after we’re both graduated, maybe we could pick things up again?” she suggested.

Colin had tears in his eyes now and didn’t appear to have registered her offer at all. Voice thick, he begged, “Essie, please. Maybe if I talk to him. Apologize—”

She shook her head and spoke over him. “No, Colin. He won’t listen. Sev’s stubborn and once he has his mind made up there’s no changing it.”

“Essie,” he whispered.

Hopping off the desk, Essie quickly darted around Colin and for the door. Once she had it wrenched open and set her feet to run for the Ravenclaw tower, she looked back at Colin. “I truly am sorry,” she whispered.

“Essie!” he cried after her as she raced away from him and the pain she’d inflicted on both of their hearts.

-O-

Slipping out of her shoes, Essie lifted her sister’s quilt and slipped beneath it. “Did you do it?” Eileen asked in a murmur once Essie had settled herself with hardly an inch between her and her sister.

She nodded, head brushing against Eileen’s back.

Her sister turned over and reached out, snaking her arms around Essie to pull her flush against her front. Petting her hair, Eileen whispered, “I know this is dreadful and you’re heart feels like it’s now a fresh, weeping wound. You can cry, I won’t judge you and no one will hear you either. I put up silencing spells on my curtains.”

With her permission, Essie began to weep with abandon into the front of Eileen’s jimjams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like the scene from Severus's POV? Feel about Essie's break up?
> 
> Thank you for reading and please let me know your thoughts with a comment and/or kudo!


	8. One Step Forward, Two Back

Essie kept her eyes on the essay she was writing as the chair next to her was pulled away from the table. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a familiar figure settle into the seat and prop his elbows on the table, head in his hands. In response, she hunched her shoulders and wrote more fervently. If she was lucky, maybe he’d take the hint. “Colin’s been pretty stroppy lately,” he said, which made Essie’s heart twinge and a groan tear itself from her throat. She slowed her quill and dismayed over how Harry always seemed to know when things were off with her or her sisters. “I also think I’ve seen Dennis send you some pretty good dagger eyes,” he added.

Essie put down her quill and turned her head. “He has and I noticed,” she said, words clipped, glaring at Harry and hoping he’d get the message to just _ go_.

Harry, though, seemed to take her engagement as a victory as he said, not quite smiling, “You _ also _ have been spending an unusual amount of time with Eileen.”

Puffing out her cheeks in annoyance, Essie turned her head away and grumbled unkindly, “Have you really noticed all of this or did Ginny? I know she’s Colin’s herbology partner.”

Her friend’s not quite smiled turned into a smirk and he shrugged his shoulder. “So she noticed and told me,” he acquiesced. “Does it change anything?”

With some reluctance, Essie replied, “No, I suppose not.” She was drawn to meet Harry’s gaze when she felt his open hand settle on her forearm like a warm blanket. His eyes were soft and urging and Essie felt her lower lip start trembling.

“What happened?” he asked in a quiet voice.

Essie bit down on her lip hard enough to cut. She couldn't say. If she did, something awful would happen like the last time she shared secrets she’d been told. Shaking her head, Essie said, “Harry, I really don’t think I can talk about it.”

“Can’t?” he echoed, frowning. “That doesn’t sound like you.”

Essie wanted to yell, shout, point and accuse, but they were in the library. It wasn’t private enough for her to be so impassioned. Leaning in close to Harry, she hissed, “Look what happened the last time I shared things! Stephen’s dead and poor George is missing an eye.”

Harry’s frown turned into a scowl and he began to protest her claim, “That’s not your—” 

“Harry,” she cut in, voice hard and refusing to humor any kind of rebuttal. His mouth clicked shut and she continued, “Maybe we didn’t _ mean _ for any of this to happen, but it did because of things _ we _said and did. It’s our fault and we can’t be children anymore and pretend otherwise.”

Harry’s face drooped and he whispered, “I don’t want you to be too hard on yourself, Essie, that’s all.”

Essie sighed. She understood. No one else wanted her to be either (except for Eileen, maybe, who’d made it clear in spite of all the kindness she’d been showing her lately she _ did _think all of this trouble was due to her). “I know, Harry,” she said.

Harry’s hand on her arm brushed up it and back down before resting lower atop her upturned wrist. “I promised Darla I’d keep an eye on you all for her when she graduated,” he told her. Essie smiled a little. She’d always thought Darla might have asked Harry to be there for them, or at least for her after she graduated. It was comforting, but she also felt compelled to release Harry from the duty. They weren’t little girls anymore. Besides, they had each other.

“That’s kind of you, Harry,” she said, curling her fingers upward to rest on Harrys’ own. “You don’t have to, though. Eileen and I are looking out for each other.” Unbidden, she felt her lips pull into a wry, half-smile. "Like we always should have."

Harry’s brows furrowed and his eyes searched her face. “And Calliope?” he asked, persistent. “I haven’t seen her playing on the grounds for the last few days.”

Essie, freshly ashamed, looked away from her friend. “What happened with the Pensieve caused more problems than we could have ever imagined, Harry,” she murmured. “Sev and Edie have sent her to stay with the Mulpeppers until things improve.”

“When will that be?” he demanded, an anxious edge to his words.

“I don’t know,” Essie admitted, meeting Harry’s gaze once more. “Sev has said things are only going to get worse for the time being.”

Pale, Harry asked, “_How _much worse?”

“I…” she began only to trail off. Essie felt at a loss, incapable, even, but knew she had to try all the same to impress upon her friend just how dangerous the world was and would become. “Harry, you will need to be more careful than ever before. This trouble, it’s entirely new.”

He nodded, solemn. Then, a ruthful grin ghosting across his face, he said, “Something wicked this way comes, huh?”

“That’s one way to put it,” Essie agreed, though she found the phrase odd.

Harry chuckled, amused. “I was quoting _ Hamlet_,” he explained.

“Sorry,” she said, “I don’t know it.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” Harry told her, smiling. “I just thought…” he let his words fade and shook his head. “Eileen borrows a lot of books from me and Gail,” explained Harry. “I guess she doesn’t tell you about them?”

“Eileen doesn’t tell me much at all,” she confessed. Not even now when she was making time to spend with her, comfort her, be a sister.

Harry’s head tilted speculatively. “Hmm, I think you could change that,” he said.

“Do you?” Essie returned, dubious, but hopeful.

He nods. “I know she’s spending time with you right now because she feels sorry for you, but you could probably get her into a habit of going around with you regularly if you cast your charms right,” he explained.

“I… I might do that,” Essie said, though, she was uncertain of how well it would work. Surely Eileen would get tired of her sooner rather than later and not want to hang around with her as much as she was right now.

“You really should,” Harry insisted. “I know not all siblings have to be good mates, but I watch Eileen and you and I'm reminded of me and Gail.”

Essie blinked at that. Did they really? She’d never thought they were much like the Cross siblings. For one, as far as she could tell, the two pretty much always got on minus the minor row about something silly and inconsequential.

Harry didn’t react at all to her surprise and powered on, explaining, “I know I’m sort of shy sometimes and I don’t always share things I probably should, which Eileen’s a bit like too, and you’re kind of like Gail. Gail’s always been good at making friends and she can be a little dramatic sometimes, but we still write to each other a lot and I like going home and hanging out with her during hols.” Smiling, he said, “You just need to find something you both like to do that you can become close while doing.”

Feeling a little more assured a true friendship was possible with Eileen and an inkling of a plan building in the back of her mind, she said, “Thanks, Harry.”

He patted her arm. “You’re welcome, Essie.”

-o-O-o-

Walking toward the Great Hall for breakfast, Essie spied Eileen’s familiar shape striding in the same direction as her just a few feet ahead. It had been almost a week since she had her chat with Harry and just over a week and a half since her sister last asked if she wanted to take a walk around the grounds together. Essie realized at that moment if she wanted to continue to spend time with her sister, she would have to start initiating some of the activities they did together. “Eileen!” she called, picking up her pace and coming to trot next to her sister.

Eileen glanced at her, but otherwise didn’t react much to her sudden presence. “Essie,” she returned in a much more neutral tone.

Feeling a little shy and unsure, she asked, stammering, “I was, um, d’you think you might want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?”

Eileen pursed her lips. “And do what, exactly?” she asked. “I have OWLs coming up.”

Essie had never been good at coming up with ideas on the spot, but she tried all the same. “It’s just… Harry and I were talking and he quoted this book,” she explained. Lowering her head and voice falling into a mumble, she went on and said, “I thought… hoped you might be able to help me find it at the bookstore?” She glanced up from beneath her fringe at Eileen, who was watching her with an inscrutable expression. “I think I might want to read it. I know they only carry a few shelves of Muggle stories, but I reckon you could probably tell me which are good and help me pick one or two if the one I want isn’t there.”

Eileen nodded once she finished talking. “I might be able to fit that into my schedule,” she said, though she didn’t sound very excited about the prospect.

Hoping to sweeten the request and make her _ want _to come, Essie told her sister, “I also was thinking about owling Calliope and Mrs. Mulpepper to see if they could come down to Hogsmeade. We could all get a treat to share at the Three Broomsticks or something.”

As she hoped, that got Eileen’s full attention. She missed their little sister just as much, perhaps more, than Essie. A chance to see her was not something she was going to pass up. “I will go to Hogsmeade with you,” she agreed.

Essie grinned, delighted. She’d done it. Eileen was going to spend time with her and because she _ wanted _to, not just because she felt bad for Essie. “Brilliant!” she exclaimed before falling into chatter about more inane details of the Hogsmeade weekend she hoped to experience with her sister.

-o-O-o-

On Saturday, Essie walked into the Three Broomsticks behind Eileen. She was in the midst of laughing, Eileen having just made a dry remark about Mrs. Mulpepper that amused her. However, her giggles came to an abrupt and choking halt when during her casual scan of the pub for her sister and Mrs. Mulpepper she spied Colin and Dennis at the bar. They clearly had noticed her too as Dennis was glowering at her and Colin had dropped his gaze to the bartop. 

Eileen felt her knees go a little weak and she started to pivot her feet to run when she felt a hand wrap around one of her own. Eyes snapping away from Dennis and Colin to the hand that had a grip on her own, she saw it was Eileen. Her sister’s eyes were gentle as she whispered, “Don’t look at them.” Eileen gave her fingers a light squeeze. “We’re here to see Calliope, remember?” she said. “We can’t let them stop us from enjoying our afternoon with her.”

Essie fought valiantly to still her wobbling lip and won. Forcing a smile that felt just a little painful, she nodded. “You’re right,” she said.

Eileen grinned, a distinctly cheeky sparkle to her eyes. “I’m glad you’re finally acknowledging it,” she teased.

“Oh, stop!” Essie snickered, bumping shoulders with her sister. Eileen didn’t let go of her hand as they walked to the booth Calliope and Mrs. Mulpepper were sitting at. Even after sitting down, she held on until it came time to browse the pub’s familiar menus. The warmth of her fingers lingered and reminded Essie to keep her face turned forwards. What was behind her was done and she needed to focus on the future that was happening, not what could have been.

-o-O-o-

Bouncing a little as she plonked herself down next to Eileen on her sister’s bed in their family’s quarters, she said, “I thought you said you were painting your nails burgundy?”

“I am,” Eileen replied, contradicting the bottle of bright orange varnish clutched in her right hand.

Huffing, Essie pointed at the orange bottle. “Then what’s that orange varnish for?” she asked, pressing the issue. “I’m doing mine in blue.”

Eileen suddenly looked uncomfortable and turned her gaze to her bedspread. Reluctantly, she explained, “I… It’s a color Lottie would have liked. I’m going to paint my pinky toe with it.”

“You do that still, huh? I remember we used to do that the first few months after she died when Darla was helping us with our nails still.”

Still not looking at her, her sister whispered, “It’s silly, but I just like to do it.” She looked at Essie out of the corner of her eyes. “I feel closer to her when I do if that makes sense.”

For a brief moment, Essie was speechless. When she saw Eileen’s shoulders begin to hunch together, she burst out, “It does!” It truly did too. Essie didn’t have anything she did regularly to feel close to her dead sister, but around Lottie’s (and Eileen’s) birthday, she often liked to go to the kitchens and ask the house-elves for Lottie’s favorite pastry to eat. It was her way of celebrating the life her sister had lived. She bit her lip, uncertain, but reached out all the same to brush her fingers over Eileen’s arm. “I know you two weren’t exactly a pair of Weasley twins, but you still were close,” she said. She chuckled a little. “Closer than her and me or Calliope and you. I swear you could say whole sentences to each other with a blink of your eyes.” Essie took hold of Eileen’s hand and squeezed it tight. “I’m glad you’ve found a way to keep her always near you.”

Her sister stared back at her, seemingly in a state of shock from Essie’s honest acceptance of her ritual. Slowly, a smile stretched across her face and Eileen reached up, laying her hand to rest feather-light on her cheek. “Essie how you’ve turned out so kind I will never understand,” she murmured in an awed voice before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Essie flushed, embarrassed, but pleased by the compliment. “Um,” she mumbled. Fidgeting a little as her sister continued to look at her with far too adoring eyes, Essie anxiously racked her mind for a way to end the moment between them. A lump was growing in her throat, one that meant tears were seconds away, and she felt so _ guilty_. Eileen clearly still felt Lottie’s passing keenly and she’d gone and ripped their family even more apart this year. Essie didn’t think she could fix what she broke, but she knew she could strengthen what remained. But would Eileen want to? There was only one way to find out, Essie reckoned.

Hesitantly, she asked,“…Would you mind if I painted one of my nails orange for her too?”

Eileen shook her head. “I will do it for you,” she said, reaching for Essie’s bare foot. She smiled. “Would you like a matching pinky toe?”

Essie laughed, delighted. “Sure.”

-o-O-o-

“Late, late, late,” Essie chanted to herself as she all but jogged out of her house’s common room. Reaching for the tie on her wrist, she bent her head slightly and gathered her hair to pull back into a loose ponytail. As she rushed down the corridor outside of her dorms, she entirely missed her fellow Gryffindor coming in her direction until she checked their shoulder. “Oh!” Essie exclaimed, her hair falling from her fingers as she looked up. It was Colin she realized with no small amount of embarrassment. “Um,” she mumbled while rubbing at her twinging shoulder.

The boy grimaced. “Sorry…” he said while massaging the arm she’d hit with her shoulder.

Essie took a moment to breathe. May was a week away and they’d been broken up for _ months_. It was time they start getting past this awkwardness. With the state of things, she still shouldn’t be too friendly, but there wasn’t anything wrong with being polite, was there? “Colin,” she said, nodding her head at him in greeting.

“Uh, ‘lo, Essie…” he returned with a small, befuddled furrow between his brows.

She smiled, abash. “I wasn’t watching where I was going,” she admitted before finally tying her hair back as she intended to a minute ago.

Colin lifted the book in his hands higher for her to see. “Me neither,” he replied.

They lapsed into silence then and Essie had to resist the urge to fidget. Things had never felt so awkward between them before. It upset her to realize that even _ small talk _might now be something of the past for them. “Erm, I’m going to go…” Essie mumbled before side-stepping around Colin.

“Essie!” he called after her.

Unbidden, her heart began to race. “Yes?” she said, turning around to face Colin.

He looked to the stone floors and then back at her again before he asked, “Are you going to be at the football game later today?”

She pursed her lips, thinking. “Erm, well, maybe for a little bit?” she said, uncertain. “Eileen and me will be taking a walk by the lake about then,” she explained.

“Okay,” Colin replied, face oddly blank. “I was just curious,” he said, “Harry isn’t playing for the spring season and I didn’t know if you’d still be at the games.”

Essie found herself crossing her arms and frowning at Colin. “Harry might have introduced me to the game, but I do like football,” she chided. “It’s fun watching everyone play.” As soon as she finished her scolding, the true reason for Colin’s question dawned on her. She gaped at the boy, affronted. “…You don’t want me at it, do you?”

Colin looked away, scowling. “I can’t tell you what to do.”

“No, you can’t!” she agreed in a biting tone.

Colin reacted to her words almost instantaneously. A surprisingly mean glare now fixed on her, he snapped, “I have to see you all the bloody time as it is! Football is _ mine _ .” He jabbed a finger in her direction. “If you bloody cared about me _ at all_, you wouldn’t go.”

“I can’t believe you!” Essie shouted in return. Football wasn’t _ his_. It was a bloody game anyone could play or watch and there was no such thing as dibs.

He blinked rapidly and Essie watched on as his eyes started to water as he told her, tone quivering, “You’re the one who broke up with _ me_. The least you could do now is not make me feel worse where you can help it.”

Essie felt just awful. She hadn’t wanted him to become so upset from their first real conversation post-breakup. As Essie continued to stare back at the boy speechless, he swiped his sleeve across his eyes before turning on his heels and beginning to stock away. “Colin!” she cried after his retreating back.

Instead of stopping or turning around, he picked up his pace and soon disappeared behind the Fat Lady’s portrait. Now alone in the corridor, Essie could only stare at where Colin had stood, tears now gathering in the corners of her eyes. She was beginning to fear there would never be a point where she and Colin could find what they had before.

-o-O-o-

Essie looked up from the essay she was writing for Arithmancy and at her sister Eileen. Eileen had walked into her bedroom just moments earlier and was humming beneath her breath as she went through the small basket of lotions and perfumes Essie kept on her dresser. She’d come to her bedroom in her family’s quarters to get away from Hogwarts’s distractions, yet, for once in her life, Eileen decided she would be one. Sighing in defeat, she put down her quill and turned toward Eileen.

Her sister picked up a small oval bottle and gave it a sniff before she poured it on a finger to dab on her neck. That was her summer melon scent if she recalled correctly. Essie hadn’t worn much of it since Edie got her a nice new perfume that smelled like lilac petals and honey last Christmas. More amused than annoyed, Essie called out, “You seem peculiarly happy.”

Eileen turned her head so Essie could see her profile. There was a dusting of pink on her cheeks and a smile that she couldn’t entirely suppress pulled at the corners of Eileen’s mouth. “Do you think so?” she replied.

Wracking her mind for a reason why her sister might be so happy, Essie teased, “Did one of your insufferable housemates trip and fall on their face?”

Eileen tilted her head back and laughed. “No, not today!” she said before facing Essie fully, a wide grin on her usually somber face.

More than a little exasperated, Essie swung her legs off her bed and stood up. Approaching her sister, she crossed her arms and demanded, “Eileen, what’s going on?”

“I shouldn’t say,” Eileen replied, eyes alight with impishness.

She pouted. “Why not?”

Her sister put a hand to her cheek and shook her head. “Oh, Essie, sweet, you know why,” she said.

Essie wrinkled her nose. So what was making her sister act like one of Essie’s romance-obsessed housemates was a _ secret. _Ugh. “I can’t keep a secret?” she asked like she didn’t know the answer.

“Yes!” agreed Eileen, smile even wider.

She did not let Eileen’s answer deter her. She couldn’t keep a secret, it was true, but that didn’t mean her sister couldn’t tell her _ something_. She had to at this point! Eileen had all but danced into Essie’s room and was acting like she’d been dosed with Amortentia! Essie licked her lips and narrowed her eyes at her sister. She may not be as practiced at being shrewd as Sev or Eileen, but she could be. It was in the Snape blood! “What if you just said part of happened?” she suggested. “Something if I let it slip, it won’t matter because I won’t know anything more that’s useful?”

Eileen tapped her chin a moment, considering Essie. “That’s… Clever,” she admitted. Stepping forward, she grabbed Essie’s hands and brought them back to her bed. Sitting them down, she kept her hold on Essie as she smiled and teased, “My, has all our time together taught you something after all?”

Essie huffed and pulled her hands back. “It’s not my fault Shakespeare is impossible to read!” she grumbled as she turned her head away.

“It’s really not, Essie, you just aren’t trying hard enough,” Eileen chided, sounding a little more like her dour, no-nonsense self for a brief moment.

Annoyed, Essie began to argue, “I did too try and—” She stopped herself when Eileen raised an eyebrow. Oh, yes. It was probably best she didn’t start arguing now if she wanted Eileen to tell her _ anything_. Essie exhaled in defeat. “Nevermind,” she relented. “Will you say even a sliver of the reason you look you could waltz on air?” she begged.

Eileen grinned and her cheeks became utterly rosy in her joy. Leaning in close, she cupped her hands together and placed them over Essie’s ear. In a whisper, she told her, “A _ very _dear someone said they would marry me!”

All of the giddiness Essie had felt building in her chest suddenly went flat. For a moment, she was entirely speechless. When she could think again, she looked at her sister and hissed, scandalized, “Merlin! You’ve been seeing a _ boy_?”

Eileen didn’t look the least bit sorry at her accusation. “His uncle is very respectable,” she said instead. Straightening herself out and laying her hands atop her knees like the prim ladies Sev always encouraged them to be, Eileen explained, “We agreed to keep things quiet is the best for the time being, but if things do not improve in the coming months… or years… Marrying should not cause too much in the way of waves for either of our families.”

An arcid flavor came to Essie’s mouth and she turned away entirely from Eileen. Essie _ knew _ none of this was Eileen’s fault, yet she couldn’t help but feel terrible. Eileen often called her dumb and childish in the past and even now liked to rub her own idiocy in her face, yet she’d never been one to _ gloat_. She probably wasn’t even trying to right now, Essie thought. She had been so happy and just wanted to share it with someone. If her joy had come from anywhere else… Essie probably would have been touched Eileen chose her. Now, though, all she could do was spit, “How lovely for you.”

Her sister tried to squeeze her shoulder. “Essie—”

Roughly, she pulled away from her sister and yelled at her, “It just isn’t fair! How come you can still see your boy, but I had to break things off with Colin? I still can’t properly look at him in the corridors or common room without feeling like a monster.”

Eileen’s eyes turned wide and regretful. “I _ am _sorry, Essie,” she said in a soft voice. “I wish you hadn’t had to…”

Blinking back tears, Essie whimpered, “Even when things are better and I can explain everything to him, he still might not have me back.” Covering her eyes, she sobbed, “Or he might be with someone else!”

This time when Eileen squeezed her shoulder, Essie let her. “I know,” she said as Essie leaned into her sister and began to weep into her front. Eileen began to pet her hair, humming a comforting tune.

When Essie’s heart ached a little less and she felt a little more in control of herself, she lifted her head from Eileen’s chest and looked up at her now frowning sister. “I’m ruining your good mood, aren’t I?” she warbled.

Eileen’s eyes were apologetic. “I shouldn’t have told you anything,” she said, brushing back a damp strand of hair from Eileen’s face.

Essie shook her head. Eileen should be allowed to share her joy with her family. Unfortunately, now it just wasn’t a very good time. Edie and Sev would have been upset she was seeing someone who could risk their family’s future and demanded she break up with this boy. Calliope and Darla were gone and letters with such intimate news would have been risky to send. Essie should have been someone who Eileen could celebrate her delight with, but she wasn’t. Not when her sister’s joy involved romance and a _ boy_. In spite of all of this, Essie tried her best to fix the damage she’d done. Meeting her sister’s gaze, she said, “I _ am _happy a boy loves you so much.” Essie looked away after her declaration and sighed. “I’m just sad too.”

Eileen patted her knee. “I understand,” she replied.

“Eileen?” Essie said, drawing her sister’s attentive gaze. Essie lifted her arms and embraced her sister, who returned the hug without hesitation. Into her shoulder, she mumbled, “I love you.”

Eileen’s hold tightened on Essie as she murmured, “I love you too.”

-o-O-o-

Essie was curled up in an armchair toward the back of her common room taking another stab at _ Hamlet _(which was just as hard to follow as the first time she tried to read it with Eileen’s help). Furrowing her brow as she puzzled over Hamlet’s latest lament, a shadow came to loom over her, blocking the light from the nearby wall-torch. She raised her eyes from the page of her book to see Colin in front of her, his expression pensive.

“Uh, ‘lo Essie…” he mumbled, eyes falling to his feet once he finished getting her attention.

She gave a small, displeased sniff. “Colin,” she said before returning her attention to _ Hamlet_.

“So you’re reading Shakespeare, huh?” he said after an awkward silence.

Essie kept her eyes glued to her book. “Yes,” she answered, turning to the next page to make a point.

He chuckled a little. “I’m surprised _ Hamlet _ is the first work of his you’re reading. It’s so tragic. _ Much Ado About Nothing _ or _ A Midsummer Night’s Dream _seems more like something you’d enjoy.”

Essie couldn’t help but look up at Colin then. “Oh? Are they easier to understand?”

Colin scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Erm, probably not?” he said. “They’re still all written around the same time. It’s just they’re comedic – or so my dad says – I think you’d like the stories themselves more.”

Essie pursed her lips. She wanted to ask more questions, but she was pretty sure that’d be a poor idea. She was supposed to be distancing herself from Colin – from all Muggle-borns. Harry too, according to Eileen. He _ was _wanted dead by the Dark Lord and his followers. Thankfully for her, Harry must have been spoken to by Eileen (or figured it out himself) as he’d all but stopped speaking to her in front of other students lately as well. Essie was pulled away from her musings when Colin said:

“I’m sorry about a couple of weeks ago.”

Essie snorted. Edie always told her an apology was better than no apology, but it felt cheap coming so many weeks later. “That’s nice,” she said.

Colin sighed when he saw she was unimpressed with his apology. Eyes becoming downcast, he tried again, “I… It was wrong of me to try and say football was mine. It made me sound a bit like, well, a Pureblood.” Lifting his stare to connect with hers once more, he said, “I am sorry, Essie.”

He had sounded a little like a Pureblood when he said she couldn’t watch the football game because it was _ his_. Essie felt a little better now that he told her he realized he’d been in the wrong. Of course, she still couldn’t be too kind, but she didn’t see the harm in accepting his apology now. “Thank you for apologizing, Colin,” she replied.

A little of the tension bled out of Colin’s jaw and he almost smiled. “Thanks for listening,” he said. A new bout of silence began between them and Essie frowned, wondering why Colin was still standing in front of her if all he’d wanted to do was apologize to her. He seemed to realize he was confusing her as he sighed and reached into the pocket of his robe. “Look, there’s another reason I’m talking to you now,” he explained, hand still in his pocket. 

Essie raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

He nodded. Pulling his hand from his pocket, he opened his fist in front of her nose and revealed a lovely gold chain with a small, slightly mismatched, but still gold dewdrop pendant. “I bought these ages ago for your birthday. It’s a nice chain I thought you could use,” he said. Essie looked at Colin’s face then, perplexed. Why was he showing her this now? “I know you aren’t especially interested in jewelry, but for special occasions…” he trailed off, hand lowering. “Anyway, my plan had been to give you this for your birthday this year and then maybe a nicer pendant in a year or two to replace the one I got to keep it from being bare.”

Essie’s eyes were wide and tears stung in the corners. “Colin,” she warbled.

Undeterred by her teary tone, he explained, “Dennis said I should give it to Mum, but that felt wrong. I’ve pretty much thought of it as yours since the moment I saw it.” He pushed the necklace at her. “So, here.”

Essie dropped her book and threw her hands up, pushing away Colin and the necklace. “I can’t accept this!” she cried.

“Please, Essie, take it,” he begged pushing the necklace at her once again. Voice cracking, he said, “I don’t like it sitting in my trunk. It reminds me of you.”

She turned her head and did her best to stop her shaking lip. “Save it for another girl, I don’t deserve this,” she whispered.

“No, Essie,” Colin said. Essie crossed her arms across her middle and refused to look at Colin. He sighed. When she still wouldn’t acknowledge him after a little more pleading on his part, he pulled one of her hands free from her middle with determined, though careful fingers and pressed the necklace into her palm. “Think of it as a parting gift if it makes you feel better,” he said before turning away and all but running for the stairs to the boys’ dorms.

“Colin!” Essie called after him, upset. He didn’t look back and soon, he was entirely gone from view. She didn’t want to, but she then looked to the necklace in her hand. With her thumb, she stroked the chain. It _ was _ pretty. Her heart felt both a little fuller and more broken knowing this would have been awaiting her on her birthday. Closing her fingers around the necklace, she put it safely in the pocket of her skirt and let it sit there, warm against her thigh, as she picked up _ Hamlet _and tried to read it for the third time. 

Essie didn’t know if she would ever wear the necklace, but she would keep it and cherish it for what it had meant.

Colin cared for her very much (maybe even loved?) and he’d imagined himself caring (loving) for her _ years _after her sixteenth birthday.


	9. Chapter 9

With the practicals done for the year, Essie was in the midst of cleaning her wand at one of the study tables in Gryffindor’s common room when she was interrupted by a looming shadow. Looking up, she saw it was Harry’s friend, Hermione Granger, casting it. She frowned at the sixth year. “May I help you?” she asked.

Hermione’s eyes only flickered over Essie before fixing their attention on the entry to their common room. “Essie, have you talked to Harry today?” she asked.

She frowned. “No, I haven’t,” she answered. “Why?” she asked, suspicious. Was something going on? Hermione seemed quite worried. _ Should _Harry have talked with her? Had Essie not been where she ought to be and that’s why he hadn’t?

“I… I just wondered,” stammered the upper-year. Distractedly, she murmured, “I think he had a question he wanted to ask you.”

“Really?” Essie said in disbelief.

Hermione didn’t seem to notice her tone at all as she was already walking away and toward Ginny, who was just coming down the stairs from the girls’ dormitory. “Thanks anyway, Essie!” she called.

“…What was that about?” Colin whispered from the table behind her own. 

Head snapping around to look at the boy, she confessed, “I honestly don’t know.”

Colin nodded, a peculiarly grim expression on his usually kind and pleasant face. “I saw Harry speaking with her, Ron, and Neville earlier,” he remarked. Voice quieter, he added, “It seemed rather serious.”

Essie turned back around and stared at Hermione and Ginny. The two upper-years had their heads bent close and appeared to be whispering about something to one another. “Huh,” Essie said.

“Is something happening?” asked Colin.

Essie didn’t know. Yet it seemed _ extremely _ likely that was the case. “Maybe,” she replied. Then again, maybe they were just fretting about something that was _ going _ to happen. She sighed and turned to look at Colin again. “I don’t know,” she admitted. These days, Essie wasn’t supposed to be acknowledging the _ existence _of Colin, but this was the nicest conversation they’d had since before their break-up. She was also terribly concerned about what she was seeing. Getting to her feet, she chanced not only walking over to stand in front of the table Colin was at, but to take one of his hands. Meeting his warm, wary eyes, she said, “Colin, I’m going to try and find Eileen.”

He nodded. “All right.”

“Please, be careful, won’t you?” she pleaded, squeezing his hand.

The wariness in his features was replaced with a softness. “Sure, Essie,” he agreed.

She let him go and stepped back, flushing red. “I… Thank you,” she mumbled. Quickly, she turned back around and was going to hurry (run) away, when Colin’s chair creaked and she felt his larger fingers wrap ball up in the back of her sweater. She looked over her shoulder at the boy, eyes wide and blood thumping in her ears.

“Hey, Essie?” he said. “If there is something going on, you be careful too, got it?”

She dipped her chin. “Of course,” she whispered.

Colin let her go and Essie fled faster than she had when she broke his heart. 

-o-O-o-

“Eileen!” Essie called, turning the corner to find her sister in the corridor where Sev’s office was. Essie frowned when she realized Eileen was not just _ in _the corridor, but standing beside the door with her housemate Luna. “Here you are,” she said, coming to a stop beside her sister who wasn’t at all happy to see her if the glower she wore was to be taken at its face value. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Essie told Eileen.

Eileen whispered something to Luna who nodded. Before Essie could think to ask or even decipher the murmurs on her own, Eileen had her hand on her wrist and was pulling her down the corridor away from Luna, away from Sev’s office. “Essie, what are you doing here?” she demanded.

Wrenching her hand away, Essie huffed, “Did you not hear me? I’ve been looking for you!” Gesturing backward – back in time – she said, “Earlier, Hermione asked me a strange question about whether or not Harry spoke with me and—”

“—You need to go,” Eileen declared, drowning out the rest of her story.

For a moment, she just stared at Eileen. She wanted her to _ go_? Go when it was so clear that something was just a wand-flick away from happening? “What?” she sputtered.

Eileen grabbed her around her shoulders and forcibly turned Essie away from her. “Please, Essie,” she said, “go be with Edie. I know you’re not so obtuse you haven’t figured out something is going to happen.”

“I have,” Essie agreed, digging her heels in the stones beneath her feet. Twisting away from her sister, she managed to turn back around and demand, “_What _is going to happen?”

Eileen sighed, impatient. “Something that could turn out to be quite dangerous,” she said. Glaring, she asked, “You’ve seen the Order members walking around, yes?”

“I… Yes, I did,” Essie stammered, though, it was only now she was realizing she had. Before, she had been so consumed with finding Eileen their presence hadn’t really registered to her.

Her sister nodded, seemingly satisfied with her answer. Pushing her once again to turn around, Eileen told Essie, “Edie knows something is going to happen too and she’s just beside herself, I know it. Please, go be with her for me.”

“Why can’t you?” Essie demanded, making sure to keep her feet firmly fixed forward so Eileen can’t turn her.

“For once, don’t bloody argue with me, Esther!” Eileen yelled, furious. Shoving her none too gently backward, she said, “Go be with our mum, she needs you!”

Essie balled her fists at her side and started to argue.“But—”

“Go!” Eileen roared, wand suddenly in the air and pointed right at Essie. “Before I bloody make you!” she spat, the end of her wand sparking with magic.

Essie, with tears in her eyes and chest constricted tight with panic and fear, spun around and ran away from Eileen. Before today, Essie would have told anyone who asked she couldn’t imagine any of her sisters ever spelling her. Now? She felt as if she’d narrowly escaped not just a jinx or a hex, but an _ Unforgivable_. 

-O-

Once Essie had rounded the hall's corner and the sound of her shoe’s leather soles hitting stone faded, Eileen lowered her wand. Putting her wand back up her sleeve and in its holster, she smoothed down her skirt to help calm herself. Turning back around, she walked over to rejoin Luna beside her dad’s office door. Eileen did not look at her roommate as she leaned herself against the castle wall and settled in to wait.

She could feel Luna’s eyes on her, sharp and prickly. “You were awfully cross with her,” Luna said after a minute of silent staring.

Eileen did not let herself react to Luna’s reproachful words. “It’s for her own good,” she said. “Essie needs to be safe,” she explained. “With Edie, she will be.”

“I hope you’re right,” Luna replied, tone cool.

Eileen bit the inside of her cheek, drawing blood in the process. Even so, she kept her face perfectly calm and acted as if Luna’s words didn’t bother her in the slightest.

-o-O-o-

After running away from her sister, Essie had considered disobeying Eileen and _ not _going to sit with their mum. She could have gone back to Gryffindor Tower, or to find one of Harry’s mates and stick with them to wait and see what was going to happen, but she didn’t. As she always (infuriatingly) was, Eileen was right. Essie should be with their mum. If something was happening, chances were very high Sev would have a role in it and Edie was going to be a mess. Even worse, she was all alone in their family’s quarters without even Calliope slumbering in the next room. No matter how much she may want to spite Eileen, Essie couldn’t do it if it would hurt their mum too.

Letting herself into the Snape family quarters, she called out, “Edie.”

“Oh, Essie!” her mum exclaimed, bounding up from the lounge room’s sofa to greet her next to the door. “I’m so happy to see yeh…” she murmured into Essie’s hair as she embraced her.

Essie patted her mum’s back and soaked in the love she felt from her hug. When Edie finally let her go, she told her, “Eileen sent me. She’s outside Sev’s office.”

“Is she?” Edie murmured, face darkening with displeasure.

Hermione hadn’t told her what was going on, nor had Eileen, but maybe Edie would. “Edie, what’s going on?” she asked, no, begged.

Her mum shook her head. “Never yeh mind,” she said. Fingers wrapping around Essie’s wrist, she squeezed it lightly as she whispered, “I’m jus’ so relieved yer here with me…”

Essie refused to let what was happening go. How could she? Her dad surely was involved and it looked like Eileen was going to be too — if she wasn’t already. “Is Sev in danger?” she demanded.

Edie pursed her lips and hardened her eyes. “Yer dad is always in danger, he teaches _ children _ potions,” she grumbled.

Essie huffed, annoyed at her mum’s deflection. She deserved to know if her dad was going to be okay! “Is he in danger _ now_?” she demanded.

“Yes, Sev’rus is, but not as much as some,” she replied, still far too cryptic for Essie’s liking, but at least it was a real answer this time.

“Are we going to be okay?” she asked, gesturing to herself and Edie and then the Snape quarters at large.

She saw her mum’s lip start to quiver, but only for a moment, as Edie pulled Essie to her and pressed her face tightly against her chest. “Shh… _ We _will be fine, my swee’,” she said.

The words should have comforted her and Essie should have sunk into Edie’s hug, but the odd emphasis on “we” sent her into a new wave of panic. Their family would be okay, but there were so many others Essie cared about too. Her classmates, professors, friends, _ Colin_. Lifting her face, she stared up at her mum and asked, “What about our friends, Edie? My professors?” She frowned, a new fear coming to her. “What about Hogwarts itself?”

Her mum’s lip shook and for the longest time, she said nothing. When she finally stilled her lip, Essie fisted her hands in the fabric of her mum’s robe and sucked in a breath of anticipation. “Wha’ever happens, it can’t be helped now,” Edie said in a thready whisper. Essie stared up at her mum, speechless. She didn’t want to believe her. Essie didn’t want there to be _ nothing _ they could do. There had to be _ something_! Essie could call for someone, or they could go together to help (or stop) Eileen. For Merlin’s sake, with Edie to back her words up, they could gather the Order and tell them everything! How Draco Malfoy had been coerced into murdering the headmaster, but Severus was going to do it because of Professor Dumbledore—

Essie’s brain came to a crashing halt.

“Professor Dumbledore is going to be murdered today, isn’t he?” Essie asked.

Edie’s arms fell away from her. “How about we have some tea, hm?” she asked, attempting to twist out of the hold Essie had on her robe.

She refused to let her mum run from her question. Tears in her eyes and heartbroken, she cried, “Is this my fault? Because I went into Sev’s memories when I shouldn’t have?”

Her mum sighed and put a hand on top of Essie’s head. Edie’s eyes looked so very old and tired as she began to thread her fingers through Essie’s hair. “Oh, swee’,” she murmured, “this was all well in the making long before yeh even knew there were memories ter look through.”

Somehow, this made Essie feel even worse. At least if it’d been her fault… It would have been in her control. She could connect and tie it to something – someone – and blame them (even if it were herself she’d be blaming). If the murder was happening today because of reasons and events completely removed from her, what was there for her to do _ now_? Nothing. With her luck, if she were to even try she would cause someone else to die. 

Or a group of someones.

She let her shoulders droop and head fall. “Edie?” Essie whispered.

“Yes?” her mum asked.

“Can we sit together? In the lounge?” she questioned, looking through her hair at her mum. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Edie put a hand on her shoulder. “O’ course,” she agreed.

-o-O-o-

Essie was stirred from her doze by the sound of the quarter’s door opening. Cracking open an eye, she saw Eileen race in, face pale and streaked. “Edie!” she cried.

The shout rousing her, Edie shifted beneath Essie’s cheek. She gave a small yawn before murmuring, “Eileen?”

Eileen, now next to them and on her knees, whimpered their mum’s name again. “Edie.”

“Shh, swee’,” their mum soothed, taking Eileen’s face in her hands and wiping away the tear-tracks on Eileen’s cheeks.

Pulling herself from her slump against Edie, Essie asked, “What’s going on?”

Eileen shuddered in place and new tears crested in her eyes. “Professor Dumbledore is dead,” she said in a barely audible tone.

“He’s _ dead_?” Essie said, heart crashing into her stomach like a rock through a window. She was right. This _ was _the big commotion. “How?” she asked.

Her sister didn’t look at her, she barely even looked at Edie. “Sev, he killed him,” Eileen told them in a warbling voice.

Edie’s hands flew to cover her mouth. “Thank Merlin,” she said in a thick voice behind her fingers.

Essie stared, gobsmacked, at her mum for a moment. “You–” she sputtered, “Are you happy he killed the Headmaster?” Maybe it was the _ plan_, but it did not make it _ good_. Her eyes flickered to her sister, then Edie. Neither looked impressed with her question and she hunched her shoulders up to her ears. How else was she supposed to take such an exclamation?

“I’m not,” her mum replied. “I’m relieved Mr. Malfoy didn’t have ter.”

Essie frowned. Surely it would have been better if Malfoy actually did his job and killed the headmaster? He _ was _ a bully with next to no irredeemable traits. His parents weren’t much better either. Sev, though… Essie shook her head. “Malfoy’s a _ prat_!” she muttered.

Her mum’s expression turned sharp and she rebuked Essie. “He is a _ boy_,” she said. “Taking a life…” she trailed off, gaze turning far away. “It can ruin someone,” she whispered.

“Is Sev not someone?” Essie demanded. Headmaster Dumbledore wasn’t just any man. He was _ important_. Liked, respected, and feared. People were not going to take kindly at all to Sev having killed him. Even worse, Sev, their family, did not have the money or influence to make this kind of crime be forgotten. For all she could see, this could end up being a permanent stain on their family for some centuries to come.

“Essie, stop,” Eileen ordered.

She bared her teeth at her sister. “No!” she snarled. “Why is it better Sev carry the burden of killing _ the _Albus Dumbledore? And not some bullying prick like Malfoy?”

Her mum sighed. “Mister Malfoy can be saved when this war ends, Esther,” she said. Voice cracking, she whispered, “But Sev’rus…”

“He works for the Order!” argued Essie, throwing up her hands. They had evidence to prove it too, should anyone question them or him. Surely that would keep Severus from getting more than a slap on the wrist after the war’s end?

“_Now_, he does, Essie,” Eileen replied with emphasis on “now”.

Essie rolled her eyes, utterly unimpressed. “He hasn’t been a real Death-Eater since he was like Darla’s age,” she snapped.

“It won’t matter,” Eileen argued. “One of the few who could speak on his half and be believed…” Essie’s sister blinked her eyes rapidly and in her peripheral vision, she saw Edie catching tears rolling down her face with her fingers. “He’s gone, Essie,” Eileen whispered. “Sev? Us? We’re on our own now. This is why you had to break up with Colin, why we’ve distanced ourselves from old mates. The Death-Eaters, they think Severus is on their side, but we’re _ not_. We can’t let them know that, though, do you understand?”

Essie opened her mouth, maybe to agree, maybe to argue, she hadn’t really decided, when her sister grabbed her, startling a yelp from her before anything else could leave her lips.

“They will kill us all,” Eileen hissed, shaking Essie to drive the point home. “Our one grace when this over, what _ might _save him, save us, is he knows who they are. He tells Edie, he bottles his memories… When this damn war is won by the Order and those like us who believe as they do, we can give the memories to the Ministry, Edie can attest on Sev’s behalf. If we are ever so lucky, they will take into account all that Severus has done to atone for what he did during the first war and they will not throw him into Azkaban for the rest of his days.” Eileen’s eyes were fixed on her own and no matter how much she wanted to, Essie could not look away from her sister. Eileen’s fingers dug into her shoulders hard enough to bruise the bone as she hissed, “Do. You. Understand. Esther?”

“Yes!” she shouted. “Yes,” she repeated, shoving Eileen away from her. “I bloody understand, alright?”

It wasn’t just Eileen who watched her then, but Edie too. Standing up from the sofa, Essie smoothed down her robe and then brought a hand to her neck to massage away the kink in it from sleeping on Edie’s shoulder. Looking between the two, she said, “Our headmaster, our _ friend_, Albus Dumbledore is dead. What now?”

“We go ter his funeral,” Edie replied. “Yeh must not look very upset, yeh understand? He was the Lord’s enemy.” Her mum looked at her, eyes hard. “His enemy is _ our _ enemy. _ Not _our mate.”

Essie balled her hands into fists at her side, angry. It shouldn’t be like this. She should be able to go to her dear professor’s funeral and mourn him. But, instead, she would go and have to look if not happy, indifferent, with the proceedings. She supposed she could skip it altogether, she didn’t think the Lord or any Death Eaters would disapprove of that choice. Yet that wasn’t what she wanted to do. Essie wanted to see her Headmaster off and give him her (silent) goodbyes. 

“I won’t cry, Edie,” she promised.

Her mum’s eyes softened and she reached up to caress her cheek. “Tha’s my Gryffindor girl,” she praised.

Essie swallowed back a sob and forced her mouth into a grin. “Thanks, Edie,” she whispered.

-o-O-o-

The funeral for Professor Dumbledore was hours past and, now, Essie was probably the only one still outside Hogwarts’s castle walls. Plucking a weed-flower from the grass surrounding Dumbledore’s tomb, Essie began to pull it apart piece by piece. If she looked up, she knew she would see the sun was nearly set, but Essie didn’t. Essie was going to stay outside until it was dark. Maybe even longer if her mum or Eileen didn’t come looking for her. 

Hogwarts… It didn’t feel much like home anymore. She supposed she should have expected as much after it came out what Sev did. It appeared next to no one had known her dad was going to kill the headmaster and, now, they thought he had revealed his true allegiances. Everyone believed her family was loyal to Voldemort. Previously kind and friendly professors were cool and distant with her, students who used to smile at her in the corridors glared at Essie and people stopped talking when she came into rooms. No one trusted her anymore. They thought she was a traitor just like Sev. The only good thing was now students were going to be leaving for the summer, which would give her a short respite from their hate and time to build her walls up before they returned.

Essie sighed and let the stem of the now destroyed flower fall to the ground. Walking closer to Dumbledore’s tomb, she began to scan the ground for another flower. This one, she decided, she wouldn’t ruin. She would pick it and then find more to make a bouquet to put on the Headmaster’s tomb. She thought he would like it. Essie had hardly picked three flowers, however, when a twig snapped behind her. Jolting, she drew her wand and spun around, feet poised to run away if necessary. She blinked. In front of her was Colin, his kind face was oddly grim as he stared at her.

Essie half-lowered her wand. “Colin?” she called, confused.

“You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?” he demanded.

Essie frowned. “What was going to happen?” she asked, confused. As far as she knew, nothing unexpected had happened today. Well, besides the centaurs shooting off all those arrows. She didn’t think they’d been trying to hurt anyone, though.

Colin huffed, frustrated. He started to move toward her and Essie raised her wand back up. She wanted to believe Colin wouldn’t hurt her, not even now, but they were alone and she was Severus Snape’s daughter. She wouldn’t put it past someone to actually try and curse her or one of her sisters to get back at her dad. Colin stopped. For a moment, his disgruntled expression turned into one of shock. It quickly settled, though, into one of understanding. Drawing his own wand, he placed it down on the ground in front of his feet before starting forward again. Essie lowered her wand altogether. Now beside Essie, Colin said, “The day Professor Dumbledore died, you knew.”

Essie crossed her arms, chest panging with guilt. “Not when we spoke, I didn’t,” she protested. Colin pursed his lips, disbelieving. She sighed. “It wasn’t until I went to be with my mum I found out that he was going to be murdered,” she explained.

Colin’s face hardened and he snapped, “Don’t lie, you knew much longer.” 

“What?” she sputtered, confused. No, Essie hadn’t!

He balled up his hands and snarled, “I’m not stupid, Essie. I _ can _reflect.” Unfurling a finger from a fist and jabbing it at her, he declared, “You knew, it’s why you broke up with me.”

Essie couldn’t speak at first. Colin was right. Yes, she had known his death was coming for some time. Guilt and shame reddening her face, she murmured, “Colin…”

“Don’t, Essie,” he said, turning his face away from her. Eyes cast downward, he said, “I’d heard the rumors about your dad, I knew him, but I never let it bother me. I thought…” he trailed off and sighed. “Well, I guess I was wrong. You aren’t your own person, you’re his dutiful daughter.”

Essie’s lip began to shake. “I wish I could tell you you’re wrong because I don’t _ want _to be a dutiful daughter,” she told Colin. Recollections from the last year flashed through her mind, memories of all the things that had gone wrong, of the people she hurt. “I have to be,” she explained, voice thick with held back tears. “I love my family too much.”

Colin looked at her from the corner of his eyes. She could see he was listening to her now. Carefully too. Her hands began to tremble, Essie could feel he was going to ask her a question. A very difficult question “Do you love _ him_?” he questioned.

Essie let her tears run past the dam she’d previously built. She wanted to lie, tell him she didn’t. Maybe if she did, there could be a future for them after this nightmare was all over. Yet she couldn’t. “…Yes,” she whispered.

Colin’s face crumpled and he staggered a step away from her. Essie sobbed aloud. She’d was breaking his heart all over again. This was the last thing she had wanted to do to him. Facing her, his own cheeks wet, he demanded, “Answer me one last question, was he ever actually on the Order’s side?” 

Essie was certain he wouldn’t believe her, but she tried to convince him all the same. “He _ is _ on their side!” she said. “What he did, it wasn’t him showing his true colors, it was him doing what Professor Dumbledore asked of him.”

As she expected, suspicion arose on his wet face. “The Headmaster _ asked _to be killed?” he questioned, not bothering to hide his doubt.

Essie hugged her wand to her chest and turned her eyes to the tips of her shoes.“I wish I could explain, but I can’t. I don’t know a lot,” she admitted. “When I tried to find answers, I ended up hurting my family and the Bones.”

“The Bones?” he whispered.

Essie’s hands flew to her mouth. She hadn’t meant to speak of them, but she had. As far as she could see, there was no way for her to side-step the Bones now that she brought them into the conversation. Fresh tears pricked her eyes. Now, Colin would have to know how she killed Stephen. Crying bitterly to herself, she turned away from the boy. Essie couldn’t look at him any longer. Soon, he would hate her like he hated her dad. She didn’t want to see it in his eyes. “In a way, you could say it’s my fault Stephen Bones is dead,” she said to Colin. “Darla interrupted me when I went looking for answers this year and, by accident, we learned who one of the Bones’ murderers were. She told Stephen and he…” she sucked in a staccato breath. “He died, Colin.”

“Essie,” Colin whispered before the longest silences encased them.

When she could no longer bear it, Essie hurriedly dried her face and turned back toward Colin. She still would not look him in the eye. Putting on a small, tight smile, she said, “It’s all right.” Realizing her mistake, because _ none _ of what she just said was all right, Essie’s smile turned into a grimace and she corrected, “Okay, it isn’t, but I’ve accepted my role. If you hate me, my dad, my family, I understand. We’re not very good people I don’t think.” Wringing her wand in her hands, she told him, “What I want you to understand, I guess, is I am only dutiful now because what happened when I wasn’t… I can’t risk that happening again.” Essie gripped her wand tighter, knuckles going white. “This time, it could kill someone in _ my _family,” she said.

“I don’t know you,” whispered Colin. Essie bit down on the inside of her cheek to keep from whimpering. “Did I ever know you?” he asked, voice thready and far away.

Essie shrugged her shoulders. To be perfectly honest, she wasn’t sure she’d known herself. Mostly, that was because she refused to, fearing she would not like who she was. Now, she did, at least a little, and she knew who she wanted to be now too. Essie was just sorry she’d ever gotten involved with Colin, knowing that this year would be a difficult (tragic) one. “I wish there was something I could say to make this better,” she said. “I know there isn’t, though. I’m sorry.”

“What now?” he asked.

Essie frowned. “What now?” she echoed.

“You knew about everything,” Colin said. “What’s going to happen _ now_?”

She shook her head. “Sev hasn’t said,” she replied. “I don’t know.” She bit her lip. “But…”

“What?” demanded Colin, stepping closer, hot breathe fanning across her face.

She shuddered. “Run,” she begged. “Run away with Dennis, Colin.” Meeting his troubled and hurt gaze for what might be the last time, Essie said, “I don’t know anything, but I do know now that _ he _ has been here, that Professor Dumbledore is dead, you, and all other Muggle-borns, are in terrible danger.” Unable to help herself, Essie reached for Colin’s hand. To her relief, joy, and heartbreak, he didn’t pull away from her. “You probably won’t believe me, after all I’ve done, but I did love you, _ do_, Colin. All I want for you is to be safe now.”

“You love me?” Colin mumbled.

She pulled away from Colin and wrapped her arms around herself. “I’m sorry,” she said. Essie shouldn’t have said she loved him (true as it might be). If he didn’t think she was manipulating him, he would be hurt it took her until now to say it. Colin couldn’t stay, they couldn’t be boyfriend and girlfriend and walk around Hogwarts holding hands. She was drawn to look at Colin when he touched her cheek with a warm, gentle hand.

“No,” he said, “don’t apologize. I… I loved you too.” He offered her a small, wistful smile. “I wish we could have said it to each other when we were together,” he remarked. Essie was still as Colin leaned in and brushed his lips over hers. “Thank you for the advice,” said Colin. Hand falling from her cheek, he stepped away and picked up his wand. “I doubt you need me to tell you this, but make sure to always look over your shoulder,” he told her. “People don’t just hate your dad in a petty way anymore, they _ loathe _his entire person for what he did to our headmaster. They will try to get to him through you, Essie.”

She nodded. “I know,” she said, “but thank you for your concern.” 

Colin dipped his chin in acknowledgment. “Good luck this summer, Essie.”

“You too, Colin,” she returned, waving as he walked away. She watched as he drew nearer Hogwarts and a figure she hadn’t noticed before rise up from the lawn and join Colin in walking toward the castle. Squinting at the sight, Essie soon realized it was a brunet boy. She felt a smile tug at her lips. It was Dennis, she was certain. He was a good brother; now and before too. He was forever on Colin’s side and always at-ready to join or defend him in a fight. 

Before this year, Essie hadn’t known what it was like to have a sibling like that. She would always ache from how her romance with Colin went, but she would never regret it either. Their break-up had been a catalyst for her relationship with Eileen. There were still kinks to work out, but little by little, they were becoming like Dennis and Colin. Siblings who would always have the other’s back.

In the world they had just been plunged into, Essie felt strongly there was nothing better one could have.


End file.
